I go through each day always trying to figure out what I need to do to make the most of my life. There are soooo many things to think about; how to advance in my career, how to be responsible and mature, how to be a good husband; how to be a good brother, how to be a good friend. Sometimes some of these things come in conflict with the other. These are the times they really test me. How can I make everyone happy? Often I just get frustrated and end up making everyone unhappy. Go figure. But then there are those times when you realize why you want to make everyone happy. The people we have in our lives are a large part of what shape our happiness. Their happiness becomes your happiness. Conversely, their sadness becomes yours as well.
While I don't have children yet, what I do have are people who love me and at the same time rely on me. I'll be the first to admit that I may not live up to expectations, but what I've realized is that as long as I make the effort, that is what is most important. Of course, effort can only go so far, success is still the goal.
So what is the point of this blog? The point is that we all know, more or less, who loves us. However, you we don't always know all of them. Sure we are bound to our relatives, we hope that our friends are closer than they really are but the true sign of love is when you are in need, when you are at your wit's end, the people who care about you are there to pick you up. It doesn't matter how many times you've disappointed them, they are always there. The best feeling is when someone you don't expect to be there is there.
Life comes at us with no hesitation. We grow old every second, and with every moment we have to figure out how to live. I was blessed to have my mother for the time she was here. I am blessed to have the little interaction that I have with my father. Most people my age still have their parents as their support group, to help them to figure out how to live. My brothers and I no longer have that support group and are still expected to figure out how to live. So we make mistakes but we survive. We are each others support group. We may not have all the wisdom and knowledge to always do the right thing, but what we do have is each other to learn with. So we may not learn at the same pace as others, but we learn.
In closing, its been awhile since I've written an entry so please excuse the lack of continuity in my writing. Tonight, I just felt the need to appreciate my family and friends. I'm thankful to have a wife that tolerates me, brothers who learn with me, and friends that surprise me. In the end, it's all love and I'll take it.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
What do you think?
While I'm all for a good discussion of opposing opinions, lately I've been realizing that certain types of debates are more enjoyable than others. To me, a good debate is one where opinion is truly at the foundation of the conversation and it is ultimately understood. To understand this is to respect this.
If I asked for your opinion about using a flavor packet when cooking a stew, you could respond in many different ways. A full discussion could be had regarding the pros and cons of cooking from scratch. I think a good debate could be expected. However, it all depends on the delivery of the arguments. There are a lot of people that insist that their opinion is fact. So much so, that they become condescending if you did not wholeheartedly agree with their stance. For example, these people would say "Flavor packet? It's not REAL cooking unless you cook from scratch." Their opinion is delivered as if it were law. They go on to recite facts that support their opinion in an attempt to condescend even more. Little do they know, I'm not looking for a competition. I'm simply trying to foster discussion and conversation. I would have more respect if they just said, "I prefer not to use a flavor packet because...." The same message is conveyed, but its less threatening and is more open to other opinions.
From a professional standpoint, I am definitely more open to others opinions if they are able to present it in a non-threatening manner. Perhaps this makes me overly sensitive and not ready for the rigors of the dog eat dog world of business. From a personal standpoint, I tend to respect and admire those of my friends that enjoy sharing their opinion with me without all the belittling. The ironic part of it all is that in college, one of my fraternity brothers dubbed me "Mr. I'm right until you can prove me wrong." At first, I was flattered. Looking back, I am not so proud of it. I thought maybe it meant that I was a "master debater" (save the jokes). In retrospect, I know it just meant that, at the time, I was better at expressing myself. Nowadays I try not to get into arguments. "Try" being the key word. As I get older, arguing just seems to take too much energy. Of course if the topic is one that affects me or my family, I will put more effort into the discussion. But if it doesn't, then I am perfectly content digressing. The other exception to this rule is when my friends and I are arguing about complete non-sense, like who is the greatest marvel superhero (Wolverine) or who is the greatest Laker of all-time (Magic Johnson) etc.
In conclusion, while being right, winning an argument, or forcing your opinion on others might make you feel good, in the grand scheme of things, it might do more harm than good as to how people see you. I've subscribed to theory that it's only good to correct someone when you really truly have to.
If I asked for your opinion about using a flavor packet when cooking a stew, you could respond in many different ways. A full discussion could be had regarding the pros and cons of cooking from scratch. I think a good debate could be expected. However, it all depends on the delivery of the arguments. There are a lot of people that insist that their opinion is fact. So much so, that they become condescending if you did not wholeheartedly agree with their stance. For example, these people would say "Flavor packet? It's not REAL cooking unless you cook from scratch." Their opinion is delivered as if it were law. They go on to recite facts that support their opinion in an attempt to condescend even more. Little do they know, I'm not looking for a competition. I'm simply trying to foster discussion and conversation. I would have more respect if they just said, "I prefer not to use a flavor packet because...." The same message is conveyed, but its less threatening and is more open to other opinions.
From a professional standpoint, I am definitely more open to others opinions if they are able to present it in a non-threatening manner. Perhaps this makes me overly sensitive and not ready for the rigors of the dog eat dog world of business. From a personal standpoint, I tend to respect and admire those of my friends that enjoy sharing their opinion with me without all the belittling. The ironic part of it all is that in college, one of my fraternity brothers dubbed me "Mr. I'm right until you can prove me wrong." At first, I was flattered. Looking back, I am not so proud of it. I thought maybe it meant that I was a "master debater" (save the jokes). In retrospect, I know it just meant that, at the time, I was better at expressing myself. Nowadays I try not to get into arguments. "Try" being the key word. As I get older, arguing just seems to take too much energy. Of course if the topic is one that affects me or my family, I will put more effort into the discussion. But if it doesn't, then I am perfectly content digressing. The other exception to this rule is when my friends and I are arguing about complete non-sense, like who is the greatest marvel superhero (Wolverine) or who is the greatest Laker of all-time (Magic Johnson) etc.
In conclusion, while being right, winning an argument, or forcing your opinion on others might make you feel good, in the grand scheme of things, it might do more harm than good as to how people see you. I've subscribed to theory that it's only good to correct someone when you really truly have to.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Awkward Social Situation
Yesterday, Anne, Ryan and I were walking around Silver Lake for some exercise. Along the way, a guy jogging saw us and stopped. It was obvious that he knew Ryan and me. And he looked pretty familiar. What was also obvious was that nobody knew each other's names. We all looked at each other with an expression that was the bastard child of surprise, excitement, bewilderment and fear. Surprised since I haven't seen this guy in over 10 years, excitement because we knew this guy pretty well, bewilderment because we didn't know how to figure out his name, and fear because nobody wanted to admit their memory loss. Of course, I, being the risk taker that I am, threw out a name. The way I saw it, it was a boolean situation. I was either going to be true or false. Of course the chances of me being wrong were high, but I figured if I don't at least try my chance of being right was guaranteed zero. Since I was already feeling awkward, I decided to take my chances. Unfortunately, I was wrong, dead wrong. The funny thing was that I wasn't corrected. For a split second I thought I was right, but when the awkwardness continued I was sure that I was not. Luckily we were headed in opposite directions, so the entire occurrence lasted all of 3 seconds. A few seconds later, Ryan and I realized who it was. Well, Ryan realized and I agreed. He was actually a guy that we pledged with in college. A guy that I had publicly decreed that I would die for. Yeah, that guy, "what's his name".
Situations like this happen all the time with Anne and me. The first time I remember it happening was early on in our relationship when we were at a restaurant in China town. We were waiting for our number to be called in order to enjoy some dim sum when I heard someone call out my name. The face looked so familiar so I promptly responded with surprise and greeted him with "What's up bro, what are you doing here?" (Obviously, he was eating) . We chit chatted for a few minutes, the whole time I'm trying to figure out his name. If that wasn't enough, the entire time Anne was just standing next to me wondering when I was going to introduce her. Of course I didn't introduce her because I didn't know his name, so I continued to dodge the situation. To make it even more awkward, after we exchanged pleasantries we all just kinda stood there in social awkwardness as we waited for our number to be called. He must have thought I was having an affair with Anne and I didn't want him to know who she was.
From that point on, Anne and I have cleverly developed a system to avoid these awkward situations. Please keep in mind that the same situation has happened with Anne and I in opposite roles. Under normal circumstances I would introduce people to Anne by saying "So and So, this is my wife, Anne." Given a Silver Lake/China town incident, if I were to introduce Anne by saying "OH, let me introduce you to my wife, this is Anne...." Anne would get my cue that I don't know this person's name and would quickly interrupt my introduction by offering her hand and saying "Nice to meet you, I'm sorry, what was your name again?" As if I had told her but she didn't hear me. With a high degree of success, the name would be given and I would follow up with a short background of how we know each other. Hopefully, by the time I've finished my witty anecdote about how we knew each other, the awkward situation would have been avoided and everyone would continue to be entertained by my charm. Unfortunately, we were unable to apply this technique at Silver Lake as we were jogging in opposite directions and didn't have enough time to implement. Given enough time and having Anne with me this situation is easily averted, but what if she wasn't?? Well, I've figured out a solution for that too.
If this were to happen while I'm alone, my course of actoin would be as follows. I would prolong the conversation as long as possible while in the back of my mind going through my entire contacts list to determine a name. The longer we speak, the more likely something will trigger my memory. The important thing is to speak in the most casual manner possible using slang when appropriate in place of their name, such as "bro" or "dude" or "girl" or "woman". Another key is to use the slang as a term of endearment so it doesn't sound too contrived. If by the end of the conversation I am still drawing a blank, the guaranteed course of action is to ask the other party for their contact info in order to schedule time to catch up. Best thing is to ask for a business card. If no business card is available, ask them to write down their phone number and email address. Usually they will write down their name along with the requested info. If I am the one writing down the info, I'll ask them how to spell their last name as if its difficult and don't want to misspell (there is some risk with this method if their last name is simple). Last important piece of info, once they have given me their name, I make sure to not use it for the rest of the current conversation, not even while parting ways. Using their name, only after they've given it to me, is a subtle sign that I've forgotten their name. By not using their name, I stay consistent and have them believe that I just don't use names thereby slightly reducing the awkwardness.
When all else fails, I drop my pride and apologetically ask for their name. Hey, it happens to everyone so I'm sure they will understand and try to avoid any unnecessary awkwardness. If not, then next time I'll purposely forget their name.
Situations like this happen all the time with Anne and me. The first time I remember it happening was early on in our relationship when we were at a restaurant in China town. We were waiting for our number to be called in order to enjoy some dim sum when I heard someone call out my name. The face looked so familiar so I promptly responded with surprise and greeted him with "What's up bro, what are you doing here?" (Obviously, he was eating) . We chit chatted for a few minutes, the whole time I'm trying to figure out his name. If that wasn't enough, the entire time Anne was just standing next to me wondering when I was going to introduce her. Of course I didn't introduce her because I didn't know his name, so I continued to dodge the situation. To make it even more awkward, after we exchanged pleasantries we all just kinda stood there in social awkwardness as we waited for our number to be called. He must have thought I was having an affair with Anne and I didn't want him to know who she was.
From that point on, Anne and I have cleverly developed a system to avoid these awkward situations. Please keep in mind that the same situation has happened with Anne and I in opposite roles. Under normal circumstances I would introduce people to Anne by saying "So and So, this is my wife, Anne." Given a Silver Lake/China town incident, if I were to introduce Anne by saying "OH, let me introduce you to my wife, this is Anne...." Anne would get my cue that I don't know this person's name and would quickly interrupt my introduction by offering her hand and saying "Nice to meet you, I'm sorry, what was your name again?" As if I had told her but she didn't hear me. With a high degree of success, the name would be given and I would follow up with a short background of how we know each other. Hopefully, by the time I've finished my witty anecdote about how we knew each other, the awkward situation would have been avoided and everyone would continue to be entertained by my charm. Unfortunately, we were unable to apply this technique at Silver Lake as we were jogging in opposite directions and didn't have enough time to implement. Given enough time and having Anne with me this situation is easily averted, but what if she wasn't?? Well, I've figured out a solution for that too.
If this were to happen while I'm alone, my course of actoin would be as follows. I would prolong the conversation as long as possible while in the back of my mind going through my entire contacts list to determine a name. The longer we speak, the more likely something will trigger my memory. The important thing is to speak in the most casual manner possible using slang when appropriate in place of their name, such as "bro" or "dude" or "girl" or "woman". Another key is to use the slang as a term of endearment so it doesn't sound too contrived. If by the end of the conversation I am still drawing a blank, the guaranteed course of action is to ask the other party for their contact info in order to schedule time to catch up. Best thing is to ask for a business card. If no business card is available, ask them to write down their phone number and email address. Usually they will write down their name along with the requested info. If I am the one writing down the info, I'll ask them how to spell their last name as if its difficult and don't want to misspell (there is some risk with this method if their last name is simple). Last important piece of info, once they have given me their name, I make sure to not use it for the rest of the current conversation, not even while parting ways. Using their name, only after they've given it to me, is a subtle sign that I've forgotten their name. By not using their name, I stay consistent and have them believe that I just don't use names thereby slightly reducing the awkwardness.
When all else fails, I drop my pride and apologetically ask for their name. Hey, it happens to everyone so I'm sure they will understand and try to avoid any unnecessary awkwardness. If not, then next time I'll purposely forget their name.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Perception
It's unbelievable how many people I know who are so smart yet are stuck in a rut because they refuse to adapt to their surroundings. While its all fine and good to stick to your principles, if that is what is keeping you from progressing then perhaps your principles need to be reevaluated. I'm not sure what's better, being a smart underachiever or an average overachiever.
Life is not easy, that's obvious. But learning how to roll with the punches is what makes it interesting, to say the least. Figuring out how to adapt in order to progress is part of the fun for me. The key thing is adapting. Sure I don't have a lot of things, but I have learned to appreciate the things I do have. I don't want to sound arrogant or egotistical. What I don't understand is why people I know that are smarter than me, don't seem to be as happy. Is it because they have higher aspirations? Is it because I have low aspirations? I don't know, but I wish I could give them advice but I don't think they want advice from me. Or they wouldn't want to hear the advice I would give them. For example, I've worked with a lot of smart people who refused to change their appearance in the workplace because they wanted to be judged on their performance not their attire. Fact of the matter is, in an office setting, how you carry yourself, which includes how you present yourself aesthetically is important to how you are perceived and treated. I'm a firm believer that how you dress also affects how you carry yourself. If I see someone who obviously took the time to look somewhat professional I will more likely to treat them more professionally. Basically, I'm tired of people who focus on the idea that they are underpaid and unappreciated instead of focusing on how to progress to be overpaid and overly appreciated. Sometimes the change is easy, its just not popular. One person that I admire took a huge risk going to school out of state. They then took a job in a not so popular city because it was good experience. They knew it was temporary but they also knew it would be difficult because their friends and family were in California. Eventually, after a few years they were able to come back to California because of a great opportunity. The amazing thing is that they had the foresight to look beyond the sacrifice they had to make but to focus on the ultimate goal. Another example of this is my brother-in-law. He basically sacrificed a majority of his high school and college social life in order to help my father-in-law with his tax practice. Now he's finally retiring from the practice at 27 because he's about to take the CPA exam which I'm sure he'll ace because of all his experience. He could have easily quit when he was in high-school or college. Somehow he didn't. Now he could probably start up his own tax and payroll company. Simply amazing to me. He'll probably be one of the most successful people I personally know.
When I first started working, I drove a civic. I loved my civic, but it was time to let it go because after 200k miles, it started to become unreliable. My dad had a 98 Avalon that he said I could buy off of him. It wasn't the cool car that I hoped to be driving, now that I was making money, but I knew that it was reliable and definitely affordable. While I loved my civic, buying a new car when you are 20 and trying to keep up with payments, insurance, and rent while going to school and working part-time was one of the most difficult things to do. So taking over the Avalon was an easy choice for me. 10 years later, I still drive that Avalon. I will probably drive it a couple more years then finally buy a nice car for myself. My point is that because I didn't splurge on a new car, I was able to save money for a decent ring for my wife, a beautiful wedding, and a condo. Maybe my priorities are different from everyone else, but I think I made the right decision. Knowing that I didn't have a car payment gave me peace of mind that was unimaginable. It was the polar opposite of the stress of keeping my civic.
If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't have bought a new car when I wasn't fully independent. At my first job, I would have dressed up all the time even though there wasn't a dress code. Anytime someone criticizes me, its probably for something I did or they observed. Instead of trying to correct them, I try to figure out what caused them to criticize me and how to change it. The lessons I've learned I still apply today and will apply in the future. If there is something I'm unhappy about, before I start complaining about it, I'm gonna figure out what I need to do to make a change. I think for every sacrifice I've made, I'm finally reaping the benefits. I guess its like paying your dues. I hope that I will be able to teach my kids these lessons instead of them having to learn themselves. I don't think its "selling out", I think its more about focusing on the big picture and the long term goals.
Life is not easy, that's obvious. But learning how to roll with the punches is what makes it interesting, to say the least. Figuring out how to adapt in order to progress is part of the fun for me. The key thing is adapting. Sure I don't have a lot of things, but I have learned to appreciate the things I do have. I don't want to sound arrogant or egotistical. What I don't understand is why people I know that are smarter than me, don't seem to be as happy. Is it because they have higher aspirations? Is it because I have low aspirations? I don't know, but I wish I could give them advice but I don't think they want advice from me. Or they wouldn't want to hear the advice I would give them. For example, I've worked with a lot of smart people who refused to change their appearance in the workplace because they wanted to be judged on their performance not their attire. Fact of the matter is, in an office setting, how you carry yourself, which includes how you present yourself aesthetically is important to how you are perceived and treated. I'm a firm believer that how you dress also affects how you carry yourself. If I see someone who obviously took the time to look somewhat professional I will more likely to treat them more professionally. Basically, I'm tired of people who focus on the idea that they are underpaid and unappreciated instead of focusing on how to progress to be overpaid and overly appreciated. Sometimes the change is easy, its just not popular. One person that I admire took a huge risk going to school out of state. They then took a job in a not so popular city because it was good experience. They knew it was temporary but they also knew it would be difficult because their friends and family were in California. Eventually, after a few years they were able to come back to California because of a great opportunity. The amazing thing is that they had the foresight to look beyond the sacrifice they had to make but to focus on the ultimate goal. Another example of this is my brother-in-law. He basically sacrificed a majority of his high school and college social life in order to help my father-in-law with his tax practice. Now he's finally retiring from the practice at 27 because he's about to take the CPA exam which I'm sure he'll ace because of all his experience. He could have easily quit when he was in high-school or college. Somehow he didn't. Now he could probably start up his own tax and payroll company. Simply amazing to me. He'll probably be one of the most successful people I personally know.
When I first started working, I drove a civic. I loved my civic, but it was time to let it go because after 200k miles, it started to become unreliable. My dad had a 98 Avalon that he said I could buy off of him. It wasn't the cool car that I hoped to be driving, now that I was making money, but I knew that it was reliable and definitely affordable. While I loved my civic, buying a new car when you are 20 and trying to keep up with payments, insurance, and rent while going to school and working part-time was one of the most difficult things to do. So taking over the Avalon was an easy choice for me. 10 years later, I still drive that Avalon. I will probably drive it a couple more years then finally buy a nice car for myself. My point is that because I didn't splurge on a new car, I was able to save money for a decent ring for my wife, a beautiful wedding, and a condo. Maybe my priorities are different from everyone else, but I think I made the right decision. Knowing that I didn't have a car payment gave me peace of mind that was unimaginable. It was the polar opposite of the stress of keeping my civic.
If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't have bought a new car when I wasn't fully independent. At my first job, I would have dressed up all the time even though there wasn't a dress code. Anytime someone criticizes me, its probably for something I did or they observed. Instead of trying to correct them, I try to figure out what caused them to criticize me and how to change it. The lessons I've learned I still apply today and will apply in the future. If there is something I'm unhappy about, before I start complaining about it, I'm gonna figure out what I need to do to make a change. I think for every sacrifice I've made, I'm finally reaping the benefits. I guess its like paying your dues. I hope that I will be able to teach my kids these lessons instead of them having to learn themselves. I don't think its "selling out", I think its more about focusing on the big picture and the long term goals.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Wealthy Expectations
I think its safe to say that the wealthier you are the more resources you have available to you. As such, I believe expectations should be proportionally higher. My expectations of the wealthy are that they should conduct themselves with more maturity and sensitivity. For example, if you can afford a luxury vehicle, then you should have the common sense to be a good driver. If you don't, then you should have the common sense to get lessons. I don't know how many luxury vehicle drivers I have come across that seem to act as if they are entitled to break traffic laws. I would put money down that the chances that someone cuts in line to enter a backed up on ramp is proportional to the cost of their car. I'm sure age, ethnicity, gender, and other observable traits are a factor but the level of luxury trumps them all. Most likely I'm seeing the world through jealous goggles and I'm just looking for a reason to hate people who have more than me. But for now, I will believe that there are too many wealthy people who do not know how to handle their wealth.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
My Head Hurts
Everyday the wheels in my brain are turning. I am constantly thinking about why and how and what if and howcome. Then I watch a movie like "Inception" and the questions begin to multiply. It's gotten to the point where I can't write about a single topic anymore. I'm starting to just write about writing. At first this was therapeutic and entertaining. I was able to somewhat coherently put my thoughts into words. Lately, it has become truly just random ramblings. I've written 3 entries today that I'm not going to publish because I really don't want people to think I'm any crazier than they already think. When I read some of these unpublished blogs I start to realize that I may be a big hipocrite. Believe it or not, I do care what people think of me. I'm not sure if its ok to care or not. If it's acceptable or not. I find it difficult to believe that people don't care what other people think of them. I realize that most of things I do are heavily influenced by what people will think. Does that not make me a free thinker? Does that make me less independent? Of course, there are some people whose opinion of me I care about the most. Practically every decision I make is influenced by what my wife would think. Does that make me "whooped"? I don't think so. I like to think of it as being considerate and sensitive to the one person I expect to be with me for the rest of my life. While I'm not afraid to argue, for the most part I try to avoid it. The people I respect the most are the one's who know what an opinion is and understand that everyone has one. I love when people are able to share their opinion with me and are willing to listen to my opinion and not try to convince me to agree with their opinion. Hmm..on that note, it's time to end this entry. I think I just have a lot on my mind that its starting to hurt trying to communicate it all.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Sarcasm Part 1
Why Part 1? Because this topic is so deeply rooted in my very being that giving it only one blip on my narcissistic blog would be a travesty.
I will begin with the idea that not everyone understands sarcasm. Usually, those who do not understand it are offended by it. By definition sarcasm is (looking up in dictionary.com) a "sharply ironical taunt". At face value a "taunt" can be seen as threatening and negative. The beauty of the definition lies in the ironical part. To be ironical is a gift. To taunt with irony is an skill and an artform. In no way am I saying everyone should taunt others whenever they can. You must choose your targets wisely and use caution in your subjects and delivery. Timing is essential in the use of sarcasm.
I use sarcasm in many different ways, sometimes to my detriment but mostly to my benefit. To make a person see the humor in their flaws or mistakes, I think is very noble. We often take ourselves too seriously when we strive for perfection that we forget that we are all human and we all have our quirks and idiosyncrasies. I think its worse to go about life not being aware of our social shortcomings than to accept occasional ridicule from our friends, especially when its done in good fun. The benefit I receive from using sarcasm is the peace of mind knowing that I can make people laugh. Sure, a lot of times it's at other people's expense, but I mean no harm. If harm is felt, it's usually because I've struck a nerve, been inappropriate, or used horrible timing. Alas, that is the risk of sarcasm. It is a skill that needs to be honed and used with sensitivity. But to repeat the most important aspect of sarcasm, its too lighten up the mood and bring humor into this crazy world we live in.
I will begin with the idea that not everyone understands sarcasm. Usually, those who do not understand it are offended by it. By definition sarcasm is (looking up in dictionary.com) a "sharply ironical taunt". At face value a "taunt" can be seen as threatening and negative. The beauty of the definition lies in the ironical part. To be ironical is a gift. To taunt with irony is an skill and an artform. In no way am I saying everyone should taunt others whenever they can. You must choose your targets wisely and use caution in your subjects and delivery. Timing is essential in the use of sarcasm.
I use sarcasm in many different ways, sometimes to my detriment but mostly to my benefit. To make a person see the humor in their flaws or mistakes, I think is very noble. We often take ourselves too seriously when we strive for perfection that we forget that we are all human and we all have our quirks and idiosyncrasies. I think its worse to go about life not being aware of our social shortcomings than to accept occasional ridicule from our friends, especially when its done in good fun. The benefit I receive from using sarcasm is the peace of mind knowing that I can make people laugh. Sure, a lot of times it's at other people's expense, but I mean no harm. If harm is felt, it's usually because I've struck a nerve, been inappropriate, or used horrible timing. Alas, that is the risk of sarcasm. It is a skill that needs to be honed and used with sensitivity. But to repeat the most important aspect of sarcasm, its too lighten up the mood and bring humor into this crazy world we live in.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Tipping
My rules for tipping:
1. Restaurants - 15% standard. When I'm not drinking alcohol with my meal, I usually determine the quality of service by how often I have to ask for a refill on my drink. If I never have to ask for a refill, I'll give at least give 20%. For every time I have to ask for something or call the server over, I deduct 1%.
2. Buffets - $1-$2 per person regardless of cost.
3. Chinese restaurants - If they write down a number on a piece of paper and hand it to you because they don't accept reservations or if the lobby looks like a cattle call or if the servers do not smile or if it's service by committee or if they give you a wet glass of water with a straw or if the server says "Wachuwant?" or if you order by number - 5-10%, if they take reservations then normal restaurant rules apply.
4. Fine Dining - Some restaurants are known for their service, in that case 20% is customary but 20% of a $500 bill is a C note, if you think that's a lot then you shouldn't be dining at that restaurant.
5. While I use my right to not tip if service is lousy, if its a restaurant that I frequent, then I'll give a 15% tip then make sure I get waited on by someone else next time I go. If you don't tip at a restaurant you go to at least once a month, then you'll pay for it in the end, if you know what I mean. If it's a place I only go to 2-3 times a year, if its bad service, then bad tip. If you really want to make a statement, leaving coins is worse then leaving nothing.
6. Bottle service - 15-20% tip is automatically added at the end, so make sure you consider that when you are asking for prices. You will usually be given the price of the bottle w/o tip and taxes.
7. Taxis - $5-10 ride = $1, $11-20= $2, maximum $5 unless you are taking a cab home from because you are too drunk to drive, minimum $10 (they are saving your life).
8. Hotels - $2-$5 a night maid service, Maid Service request (pillows, toothpaste, roll-away) $2 per visit, Room service requests (maintenance) ZERO!!, Room service meals - $2 (they add a service charge already and the food is over-priced so you're not being cheap), Bellman carrying luggage to room - minimum $5 +$1 per luggage over 3 pieces, Bellman calling taxi $2, concierge $5 per visit **Business trips go crazy big baller shot caller
9. Restroom attendants - $1 if you take something not normally available at restrooms w/o attendants. ZERO for anything else.
10. Bar - First drink - minimum $5 to get their attention (always buy 1 drink first). All drinks after that $1 per drink.
11. Casinos - Black Jack: 10% for any win over $50. If you win every hand where you split more than once, then tip 20% of your total (bet $5, split twice, win $15, tip $3). Your tips mean more to them if you bet it on the side. Feel free to ask them if they want to accept tip or bet it on your next hand. If you leave the table with a profit, make sure to tip at least 10%, unless 10% means breaking up a chip when you color up. For example, if you start with $200 and you leave with $300 then don't tip. Hopefully you'll have tipped a little while you were playing. But its a good idea to get up when you have $310 so you can give $10 to the dealer.
Roulette - If you win big on one spin (>$100) tip 5%. I think your big tip should be when you leave the table - at least 10% of your profit. I don't play craps that much, so I would tip around 10% of profits.
12. Strip clubs - When I buy my friends a dance, I won't tip for the first one. If they really liked the dance, then I'll buy them another one and tip at least 25%. If the dancer asks for a tip, then definitely ZERO.
13. Golf - Caddy 10% minimum, 30% or more if you shoot a personal best. Club washers $5-$10 depending on how racist the club is. The more racist the employees the more you tip, because you want to assert your financial superiority, unless they are blatantly racist, then you make them clean your clubs until they look like new, then you give them a shiny Quarter.
14. Barbers - $5 minimum, if they call themselves a stylist then they better wash your hair. In that case $10 minimum. If they butcher your head, then less than $5. I'm getting my hair cut every 2 weeks, so it adds up.
15. Car wash - If it's $20 or less, $3. $21 or more, then $5. If they are waxing or claybarring add another $5-$10. Always, ALWAYS walk around your car and inspect before tipping.
Remember, tipping is not a requirement. If you get bad service, then don't tip or tip accordingly. But when you do tip, keep in mind that the person you are tipping may not be the only one receiving it. The tip may be split with the host, the chef, the other servers, it may go into a pool to be split at the end of the night, or it may not go to the person at all. I used to date a waitress and she told me that it's bad form to tip an obscure amount in order to make the total a round number. That tells them that the tip is not based on their service.
If you go somewhere and there is a jar or bucket that is obviously handmade, then put your change up to $3 if you are paying cash. If its at a place where they don't serve meals (starbucks), I typically don't like to tip more than spare change unless the barista is uber nice. MAKE SURE THEY SEE YOU PUT THE MONEY IN THE JAR!!
The greatest service I've ever had was at French Laundry in Napa. It was a fine dining restaurant but our server was awesome, not at all snooty. He encouraged us to ask questions, was never condescending, seemed to read our mind whenever we needed something. At the end of the meal I felt like he was an old friend. The restaurant charged a flat price per meal which included tip. I threw in another 10% of the total because the level of service was equally as extraordinary as the meal.
1. Restaurants - 15% standard. When I'm not drinking alcohol with my meal, I usually determine the quality of service by how often I have to ask for a refill on my drink. If I never have to ask for a refill, I'll give at least give 20%. For every time I have to ask for something or call the server over, I deduct 1%.
2. Buffets - $1-$2 per person regardless of cost.
3. Chinese restaurants - If they write down a number on a piece of paper and hand it to you because they don't accept reservations or if the lobby looks like a cattle call or if the servers do not smile or if it's service by committee or if they give you a wet glass of water with a straw or if the server says "Wachuwant?" or if you order by number - 5-10%, if they take reservations then normal restaurant rules apply.
4. Fine Dining - Some restaurants are known for their service, in that case 20% is customary but 20% of a $500 bill is a C note, if you think that's a lot then you shouldn't be dining at that restaurant.
5. While I use my right to not tip if service is lousy, if its a restaurant that I frequent, then I'll give a 15% tip then make sure I get waited on by someone else next time I go. If you don't tip at a restaurant you go to at least once a month, then you'll pay for it in the end, if you know what I mean. If it's a place I only go to 2-3 times a year, if its bad service, then bad tip. If you really want to make a statement, leaving coins is worse then leaving nothing.
6. Bottle service - 15-20% tip is automatically added at the end, so make sure you consider that when you are asking for prices. You will usually be given the price of the bottle w/o tip and taxes.
7. Taxis - $5-10 ride = $1, $11-20= $2, maximum $5 unless you are taking a cab home from because you are too drunk to drive, minimum $10 (they are saving your life).
8. Hotels - $2-$5 a night maid service, Maid Service request (pillows, toothpaste, roll-away) $2 per visit, Room service requests (maintenance) ZERO!!, Room service meals - $2 (they add a service charge already and the food is over-priced so you're not being cheap), Bellman carrying luggage to room - minimum $5 +$1 per luggage over 3 pieces, Bellman calling taxi $2, concierge $5 per visit **Business trips go crazy big baller shot caller
9. Restroom attendants - $1 if you take something not normally available at restrooms w/o attendants. ZERO for anything else.
10. Bar - First drink - minimum $5 to get their attention (always buy 1 drink first). All drinks after that $1 per drink.
11. Casinos - Black Jack: 10% for any win over $50. If you win every hand where you split more than once, then tip 20% of your total (bet $5, split twice, win $15, tip $3). Your tips mean more to them if you bet it on the side. Feel free to ask them if they want to accept tip or bet it on your next hand. If you leave the table with a profit, make sure to tip at least 10%, unless 10% means breaking up a chip when you color up. For example, if you start with $200 and you leave with $300 then don't tip. Hopefully you'll have tipped a little while you were playing. But its a good idea to get up when you have $310 so you can give $10 to the dealer.
Roulette - If you win big on one spin (>$100) tip 5%. I think your big tip should be when you leave the table - at least 10% of your profit. I don't play craps that much, so I would tip around 10% of profits.
12. Strip clubs - When I buy my friends a dance, I won't tip for the first one. If they really liked the dance, then I'll buy them another one and tip at least 25%. If the dancer asks for a tip, then definitely ZERO.
13. Golf - Caddy 10% minimum, 30% or more if you shoot a personal best. Club washers $5-$10 depending on how racist the club is. The more racist the employees the more you tip, because you want to assert your financial superiority, unless they are blatantly racist, then you make them clean your clubs until they look like new, then you give them a shiny Quarter.
14. Barbers - $5 minimum, if they call themselves a stylist then they better wash your hair. In that case $10 minimum. If they butcher your head, then less than $5. I'm getting my hair cut every 2 weeks, so it adds up.
15. Car wash - If it's $20 or less, $3. $21 or more, then $5. If they are waxing or claybarring add another $5-$10. Always, ALWAYS walk around your car and inspect before tipping.
Remember, tipping is not a requirement. If you get bad service, then don't tip or tip accordingly. But when you do tip, keep in mind that the person you are tipping may not be the only one receiving it. The tip may be split with the host, the chef, the other servers, it may go into a pool to be split at the end of the night, or it may not go to the person at all. I used to date a waitress and she told me that it's bad form to tip an obscure amount in order to make the total a round number. That tells them that the tip is not based on their service.
If you go somewhere and there is a jar or bucket that is obviously handmade, then put your change up to $3 if you are paying cash. If its at a place where they don't serve meals (starbucks), I typically don't like to tip more than spare change unless the barista is uber nice. MAKE SURE THEY SEE YOU PUT THE MONEY IN THE JAR!!
The greatest service I've ever had was at French Laundry in Napa. It was a fine dining restaurant but our server was awesome, not at all snooty. He encouraged us to ask questions, was never condescending, seemed to read our mind whenever we needed something. At the end of the meal I felt like he was an old friend. The restaurant charged a flat price per meal which included tip. I threw in another 10% of the total because the level of service was equally as extraordinary as the meal.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Parent Lesson #2 - Culture Clash
Many of my generation’s Filipino parents were not born here. The fact is that they left the Philippines seeking a better life and more opportunity for their children. I would say, for the most part, many of us have been given a better life and more opportunity. In my opinion, the biggest difference in our upbringing has been our educational system and our cultural exposure. I’m not sure what the education system in the Philippines is like, but I assume back then schools were more vocational. Also, the culture that seemed to be prevalent in my family was one of unconditional respect for your elders.
Being raised in America, and being an adult, the cultural and generational differences are becoming more and more apparent. Many of my generation’s parents did not have the resources available today to assist with parenting. It was basically parenting by inheritance. Meaning our parents raised us how they thought was best based on how they were raised. Today, we have the internet, Dr. Spock, Oprah, and Supernanny to show us proven techniques to better discipline, raise, and educate our children. I would say that my generation is almost expected to raise perfect children while my parents were just expected to survive in America. Granted, one standard in Filipino, if not all Asian culture is education. In some cultures graduating High School is an achievement. In my culture, it’s a requirement. Nevertheless, what I’m trying to say is that at some point we are going to come to a cross-road with our parents. One where our cultures are going to clash and someone will have to concede that the other one is right. If our parents are right, then it’s easy. If we are right, God help us. All my life I’ve been taught to respect my elders. The favorite saying my Mom (love you Mom!!) and my Lola would say to me is “No how come, how come!” Now, let’s say our parenting skills bump heads. Yelling at your kids is no longer the best way to discipline them. Who’s going to step up when your parents are yelling at your kids because they are acting up? Remember, respect your elders. Ideally, it would be easy to say you can explain to your parents that we don’t yell at our kids. But if your parents are yelling, it’s obviously a tenuous situation. I’m not sure speaking calmly to an irate grandparent is the easiest thing to do. Obviously, you want to share what you’ve learned with your parents, but at the same time you don’t want to tell them that the way they raised you was not the best way (even though it wasn’t). Hell, they did their best with what was available to them. Are you now going to try and “teach an old dog new tricks?” Thankfully my friends are going through this now and I am able to think about how I would handle it when I cross that road. If I think one of the elders has a different opinion on how to raise my children from Anne and me then I will take the pre-emptive attack and let them know how we do it, and if they aren’t comfortable with our methods then if a situation occurs, they can let us know and we’ll handle it. Hopefully, they’ll respect our wishes. Most likely they won’t because they’re egos could be hurt. I guess nobody really wants someone else disciplining your children. I know I don’t have any kids yet. But damn it, when we do, I’m going to make sure I’m as prepared as possible.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Parent Lesson #1 - The Path to Success
I've always thought about what I would tell my children if they asked me what they need to do in order to be successful. I could tell them to work hard, make good decisions, save money, and all those commonsensical things. Or I could tell them to find out what their passion is and figure out what kinds of professions or careers deal with their passion. As the cliche goes, "If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life." What if they aren't passionate about anything like their old man? It's easy to think that everyone is passionate about something. Off the top of my head, the first two things I think of when I think of what I'm passionate about are basketball and golf. Now I know I'll never be a professional athlete, at least not at my age. But what if I realized my passions at a young age? I'm sure, no matter how young I started honing my basketball skills, I would have never made it to the NBA. I might have had a better chance at golf, but who am I kidding? Of course I will encourage my kids to pursue whatever interests them, but I would also force them to go to school, get a degree, maybe 2, maybe a graduate degree. But now, at my age, can I still pursue something professionally that will make me happy? I mean, never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought I would be doing what I'm doing, career-wise. I can see it now, I'm 10 years old and my Lola (grandmother) asks me what I want to do for a living. I jump up and down and tell her, "Lola, I want to be a.......(wait for it)....REVENUE ASSURANCE MANAGER!! I want to analyze financial data and reduce revenue leakage!! I want to write SQL and create macros in Excel!! Woo Hoo!!"
So, I've come to realize this, if my kids can't find something they are passionate about, then they should think about what kind of life or lifestyle they want to have. To me, having that lifestyle should make them feel successful. I would tell my children to first figure out what is important to them. Then I could tell them how to make decisions that cater to their priorities. I suppose it's all about how you define success. To me success is financial stability and independence. Success is finding someone to share your life with that wants everything you want. It's about being respected both professionally and personally. Success is having my parents proud of me. Everyone's definition of success is different. But once you've defined what it means to you, you can start making your life decisions to achieve it.
In many respects, I would consider myself somewhat successful. However, I would not tell my children to take my path. I would tell them there is a different path with more options for them. Success will be knowing that Anne and I will be able to provide that path for them.
So, I've come to realize this, if my kids can't find something they are passionate about, then they should think about what kind of life or lifestyle they want to have. To me, having that lifestyle should make them feel successful. I would tell my children to first figure out what is important to them. Then I could tell them how to make decisions that cater to their priorities. I suppose it's all about how you define success. To me success is financial stability and independence. Success is finding someone to share your life with that wants everything you want. It's about being respected both professionally and personally. Success is having my parents proud of me. Everyone's definition of success is different. But once you've defined what it means to you, you can start making your life decisions to achieve it.
In many respects, I would consider myself somewhat successful. However, I would not tell my children to take my path. I would tell them there is a different path with more options for them. Success will be knowing that Anne and I will be able to provide that path for them.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Mid-life Awareness
I'm realizing more often that the division between people who are younger than me and those who are older than me is pretty much even. Of course, it depends on the situation, but for the most part the division is equal. The first time I really realized that I was older was when players getting drafted to the NBA were younger than me. The next time was when players making the NBA All-star team were younger than me. Now, 90% of the NBA is younger than me. Basically, I'm no longer in my physical prime. That is why I've learned to love golf. There are still a majority of PGA golfers who are older than me. Once that changes, I'll start watching the Senior Tour. Man, even watching poker tournaments makes me feel old. I guess even mental acuity is strongest in your 20's and early 30's. Maybe it's just me, but it makes me wonder how smart older people really are. I'm sure they are wise with experience, but do our decision making skills suffer with age? I know for me, my memory is definitely not what it used to be. If I don't write something down, I will surely forget it. I've resorted to emailing myself to remind me of my thoughts throughout the day. I'm always impressed by these kids who can remember everything. And when I say kids, I mean these 20-somethings. You can ask them to compare the iPhone vs EVO and they will break it down as if they built both devices. All I can tell you is that iPhone is Apple and EVO is Android aka Google. If you ask me why I prefer the iPhone, its because its easy to use, and that, my friends, is enough for me. It's the same reason we decided to get a Mac rather than another PC, easy of use. Shoot, I've rebooted my Mac probably 3 times this year. I've already rebooted my work laptop at least 3 times today. I guess that's another thing I'm aware of at my age. I'm no longer interested in how much more you can do with things, I'm more concerned with how easy it is to use.
Another thing I'm starting to realize is what I'm willing to pay for things. When I was younger, cost was everything. If I could save 30 cents driving 5 miles to get cheaper gas, I did. It didn't make sense, but at that time if I thought I was spending less, then I did it. Going to the market, I would by all generic items. The 99cent store was my favorite. Value meals at fast food joints were a staple in my diet. Now, I go to the nearest gas station. Unless the gas is ridiculously over-priced, I don't sweat it. I'm not married to any particular type of gas either. Going to the market is now an experience for me. I'm not going to the market that has the best deals, I'm looking for a calm atmosphere with quality goods. Eating out is now a quest for great service and culinary awakenings. All these things bring peace and serenity to my life. Perhaps I'm just preparing myself for the madness that will come with children.
Another thing I'm starting to realize is what I'm willing to pay for things. When I was younger, cost was everything. If I could save 30 cents driving 5 miles to get cheaper gas, I did. It didn't make sense, but at that time if I thought I was spending less, then I did it. Going to the market, I would by all generic items. The 99cent store was my favorite. Value meals at fast food joints were a staple in my diet. Now, I go to the nearest gas station. Unless the gas is ridiculously over-priced, I don't sweat it. I'm not married to any particular type of gas either. Going to the market is now an experience for me. I'm not going to the market that has the best deals, I'm looking for a calm atmosphere with quality goods. Eating out is now a quest for great service and culinary awakenings. All these things bring peace and serenity to my life. Perhaps I'm just preparing myself for the madness that will come with children.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
"Be A Mang"
What does it take to be a manly man? According to the media and advertising, most Euros would not be considered manly due to their "man-bags" and tight pants. I saw another advertisement that said "The Bulk of Your Life should be lived Off-the-record." I took that to mean that people who talk about all their experiences to others are not worthy of "The Most Interesting Man in the World."
I know they are just advertisements but why do they get to get away with perpetuating or even propagating stereotypes of what it is or is not to be a man that may be considered offensive. I guess one can say that if every advertisement is analyzed that closely then someone is bound to be offended. But I would say that beer commercials are the worse blatant offenders. They should just stick to talking frogs and...well, talking frogs.
I've often been teased about many of my "likes" that may not be considered "masculine'. Forgive me if I haven't kept up to date with the Book of Masculinity that all men are required to read. Again, not your fault Mom. It was not required reading for you. I love you still. Anyway, I've learned that musicals, rom-coms, emotions, singing slow jams, drinking wine, GLEE, and romance to name a few, are not considered "manly". As a matter of fact, they are usually associated with being gay. Gay in the sense that men who like women don't typically have these likes. I often think that men who think this way are usually homophobic. Actually, any man who questions another man's masculinity is usually homophobic. But I digress.
Drinking is another thing that has quite a few nuances that I'm sure take up a few chapters in the good book. A man cannot just drink any alcohol. Let me back up, first, real men drink alcohol. The minute you turn down alcohol, unless because you are in treatment for alcohol abuse, your manliness level takes a huge dive. If a man drinks beer, light beer is frowned upon. A stout or pale ale is usually a safe choice to sustain your masculinity. You get huge points for drinking an imported beer or being able to identify an obscure beer. If you drink liquor, you risk constant ridicule and/or public flogging if you drink anything with fruit in it. If you must drink vodka, tequila, or rum, your safest bet is to take it as a shot, straight up, or on the rocks. I've seen men practically grow chest hair before my very eyes if they drink any kind of scotch. I do enjoy a good scotch now and then, but the good ones usually cost so much I would never get a good buzz. When I drink beer, my first choice is Coors Light. I am not afraid to admit that beer tastes like shit. The best beer I've ever tasted still isn't better tasting than a good ole Arnold Palmer. If its a swanky event, I can forgo the Coors Light and go with a Heineken. If I'm surrounded by beer snobs, I can drink a Fat Tire, Stella Artois, Hefenweizen, or Sapporro. In terms of hard liquor I just stick with ol' faithful, Jack and Coke.
As far as entertainment, action and violence are usually the requirements for manly movies. I like all kinds of movies. The one type of movie that I could care less about is Horror movies. Maybe this makes me look like a coward and thus, less of a man. So be it, I have yet to see any value in them.
Below are a list of things I hope to learn in order to increase my masculinity level.
1. Whistle as loud as possible putting fingers in my mouth.
2. Drink more imported beer.
3. Tie some interesting knots.
4. Magic Tricks.
That's all I can think of right now. I don't want to change too much, I'm already married.
Seriously though, men should not have to worry about being manly.
I know they are just advertisements but why do they get to get away with perpetuating or even propagating stereotypes of what it is or is not to be a man that may be considered offensive. I guess one can say that if every advertisement is analyzed that closely then someone is bound to be offended. But I would say that beer commercials are the worse blatant offenders. They should just stick to talking frogs and...well, talking frogs.
I've often been teased about many of my "likes" that may not be considered "masculine'. Forgive me if I haven't kept up to date with the Book of Masculinity that all men are required to read. Again, not your fault Mom. It was not required reading for you. I love you still. Anyway, I've learned that musicals, rom-coms, emotions, singing slow jams, drinking wine, GLEE, and romance to name a few, are not considered "manly". As a matter of fact, they are usually associated with being gay. Gay in the sense that men who like women don't typically have these likes. I often think that men who think this way are usually homophobic. Actually, any man who questions another man's masculinity is usually homophobic. But I digress.
Drinking is another thing that has quite a few nuances that I'm sure take up a few chapters in the good book. A man cannot just drink any alcohol. Let me back up, first, real men drink alcohol. The minute you turn down alcohol, unless because you are in treatment for alcohol abuse, your manliness level takes a huge dive. If a man drinks beer, light beer is frowned upon. A stout or pale ale is usually a safe choice to sustain your masculinity. You get huge points for drinking an imported beer or being able to identify an obscure beer. If you drink liquor, you risk constant ridicule and/or public flogging if you drink anything with fruit in it. If you must drink vodka, tequila, or rum, your safest bet is to take it as a shot, straight up, or on the rocks. I've seen men practically grow chest hair before my very eyes if they drink any kind of scotch. I do enjoy a good scotch now and then, but the good ones usually cost so much I would never get a good buzz. When I drink beer, my first choice is Coors Light. I am not afraid to admit that beer tastes like shit. The best beer I've ever tasted still isn't better tasting than a good ole Arnold Palmer. If its a swanky event, I can forgo the Coors Light and go with a Heineken. If I'm surrounded by beer snobs, I can drink a Fat Tire, Stella Artois, Hefenweizen, or Sapporro. In terms of hard liquor I just stick with ol' faithful, Jack and Coke.
As far as entertainment, action and violence are usually the requirements for manly movies. I like all kinds of movies. The one type of movie that I could care less about is Horror movies. Maybe this makes me look like a coward and thus, less of a man. So be it, I have yet to see any value in them.
Below are a list of things I hope to learn in order to increase my masculinity level.
1. Whistle as loud as possible putting fingers in my mouth.
2. Drink more imported beer.
3. Tie some interesting knots.
4. Magic Tricks.
That's all I can think of right now. I don't want to change too much, I'm already married.
Seriously though, men should not have to worry about being manly.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Adulthood
"You are such an adult." Such strange words to hear spoken to me. Being 36, it shouldn't sound strange. But I wonder when it won't sound strange to me. When I have kids? When I have grandchildren? Never?
I thought by this age I would be in full blown adult mode. I can remember when I was a kid and how I perceived people who were in their 30s. They were so serious. They were so authoritative. Rarely did I see them make jokes or be sarcastic. Or maybe they were making jokes and being sarcastic, I just didn't get it. Maybe there is no such thing as adulthood or at least what I thought it was. What I'm realizing is that the people that I know now, still act the same for as long as I can remember. Some have kids, some are nurses, some are business people but they are all older. The point is that almost every one of them acts the same as they did 10, 15, and 20 years ago. If they were serious 20 years ago, then they are still serious today. If they were sarcastic 10 years ago, then they are still sarcastic today. A few of my friends from high school commented on a post that I made on facebook. When I read it, I thought to myself, "this sounds like something they would have said when we were in high school." That's when I realized they haven't changed and I haven't changed that much either. Sure, I have more responsibilities and I'm independent, but personality-wise, I still think I'm immature in the sense that I joke around a lot.
I think that's one of my greatest fears about being a parent. That my kids will not be able to take me seriously or see me as authoritative. While I know Anne will have no problem with that because she is naturally dogmatic with children (I love using that word), I don't want her to take on all the disciplinarian duties. What's strange is that so many people have told me that I'm great with children and that I'll be a great father, but I wonder if they are confusing my love of children with being a good parent. Don't you need to be an adult to be a good parent? I think I might end up spoiling our children, especially if we have girls. I think I'll be more of a friend than a parent. Or even worse, I might try too hard to not be seen as a friend and more as a parent that I'll end up being mean.
Is it possible for a big kid to raise good little kids? Do I need to change to be an adult? Is there a male version of Carrie Bradshaw?
I thought by this age I would be in full blown adult mode. I can remember when I was a kid and how I perceived people who were in their 30s. They were so serious. They were so authoritative. Rarely did I see them make jokes or be sarcastic. Or maybe they were making jokes and being sarcastic, I just didn't get it. Maybe there is no such thing as adulthood or at least what I thought it was. What I'm realizing is that the people that I know now, still act the same for as long as I can remember. Some have kids, some are nurses, some are business people but they are all older. The point is that almost every one of them acts the same as they did 10, 15, and 20 years ago. If they were serious 20 years ago, then they are still serious today. If they were sarcastic 10 years ago, then they are still sarcastic today. A few of my friends from high school commented on a post that I made on facebook. When I read it, I thought to myself, "this sounds like something they would have said when we were in high school." That's when I realized they haven't changed and I haven't changed that much either. Sure, I have more responsibilities and I'm independent, but personality-wise, I still think I'm immature in the sense that I joke around a lot.
I think that's one of my greatest fears about being a parent. That my kids will not be able to take me seriously or see me as authoritative. While I know Anne will have no problem with that because she is naturally dogmatic with children (I love using that word), I don't want her to take on all the disciplinarian duties. What's strange is that so many people have told me that I'm great with children and that I'll be a great father, but I wonder if they are confusing my love of children with being a good parent. Don't you need to be an adult to be a good parent? I think I might end up spoiling our children, especially if we have girls. I think I'll be more of a friend than a parent. Or even worse, I might try too hard to not be seen as a friend and more as a parent that I'll end up being mean.
Is it possible for a big kid to raise good little kids? Do I need to change to be an adult? Is there a male version of Carrie Bradshaw?
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Old Reliable
One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say they are going to do something and they don't do it. Perhaps I'm too sensitive (wouldn't be the first time) but I feel like when someone doesn't follow through on a promise, it shows a bit of disrespect. In a way, it kinda shows how not important you are to that person.
Now, I have to admit, as a young stud growing up in the 80's and 90's, I felt like I could get away with anything. My mom asked me to do my chores, "I will, in a minute" was my instant reply. A minute turned into an hour. An hour turned into tomorrow. Before I knew it, I had forgotten. My bad. Sorry Mom. I remember one time I was coming home from school, and I got a flat tire on my bike. I called home and asked to be picked up. Mom and Tito Jim were usually sleeping as they used to work the grave yard shift. But Mom answered and said she would pick me up in 15 mins. Well, she never did. She fell back asleep. The story I'm sticking to is that Tito Jim convinced her that I was a big boy and could walk home. THAT BASTARD!! I know it wasn't your fault Mom. You can do no wrong in my eyes. I love you. While I don't disagree with Tito Jim, the fact that expectations had already been set and it was the age of no pagers or cell phones, they should have picked my ass up. So I waited half an hour and eventually got the message and started walking. Good thing I had to walk a couple of miles with a bike, because when I started, I was fuming.
Anyways, if there are any little kids reading this or even adults for that matter, reliability and follow through go a long way. If you say you are going to do something, well, DO IT. If you say you're gonna hit me at 6pm, Hit me!! Everyone has a cell phone. Every cell phone I've ever had has had a clock with an ALARM. I'll be the first to admit that I forget everything. That's why I write shit down. That's why I use my calendar in Outlook, gmail, yahoo, and my iPhone to remind me of everything. Nowadays, there is no excuse. And if you aren't gonna be able to keep your promise, letting the person know ahead of time is infinitely better than not saying anything at all. Now one might argue that there are different levels of promises and I need to be a little more understanding. While this may be true, I guarantee you if you treat every promise and expectation as if its the #1 priority in your life, you will never lose anyone's respect. Like I said, you don't have to do everything you say if you let the person know ahead of time. To me it's just common courtesy. And better yet, if you do realize you forgot or know you will not be able to keep your promise, talking to people with your voice is always better than email, text, or IM. Being apologetic goes a long way.
I really don't think it's that hard to do. I mean, you are the one who's setting expectations most of the time. If you don't think you can do it, then give yourself a buffer. Better yet, if its time related, have the person remind you. Now the onus is no longer on just you.
Let me conclude with how I've changed over the years. There are people I know I can rely on and people, well, who are not so reliable. I can count the number of people in the former on my hands. I'm going to keep it that way. Everyone else, I will just lower expectations so I'm not constantly disappointed. If expectations are met, then its a bonus.
Now, I have to admit, as a young stud growing up in the 80's and 90's, I felt like I could get away with anything. My mom asked me to do my chores, "I will, in a minute" was my instant reply. A minute turned into an hour. An hour turned into tomorrow. Before I knew it, I had forgotten. My bad. Sorry Mom. I remember one time I was coming home from school, and I got a flat tire on my bike. I called home and asked to be picked up. Mom and Tito Jim were usually sleeping as they used to work the grave yard shift. But Mom answered and said she would pick me up in 15 mins. Well, she never did. She fell back asleep. The story I'm sticking to is that Tito Jim convinced her that I was a big boy and could walk home. THAT BASTARD!! I know it wasn't your fault Mom. You can do no wrong in my eyes. I love you. While I don't disagree with Tito Jim, the fact that expectations had already been set and it was the age of no pagers or cell phones, they should have picked my ass up. So I waited half an hour and eventually got the message and started walking. Good thing I had to walk a couple of miles with a bike, because when I started, I was fuming.
Anyways, if there are any little kids reading this or even adults for that matter, reliability and follow through go a long way. If you say you are going to do something, well, DO IT. If you say you're gonna hit me at 6pm, Hit me!! Everyone has a cell phone. Every cell phone I've ever had has had a clock with an ALARM. I'll be the first to admit that I forget everything. That's why I write shit down. That's why I use my calendar in Outlook, gmail, yahoo, and my iPhone to remind me of everything. Nowadays, there is no excuse. And if you aren't gonna be able to keep your promise, letting the person know ahead of time is infinitely better than not saying anything at all. Now one might argue that there are different levels of promises and I need to be a little more understanding. While this may be true, I guarantee you if you treat every promise and expectation as if its the #1 priority in your life, you will never lose anyone's respect. Like I said, you don't have to do everything you say if you let the person know ahead of time. To me it's just common courtesy. And better yet, if you do realize you forgot or know you will not be able to keep your promise, talking to people with your voice is always better than email, text, or IM. Being apologetic goes a long way.
I really don't think it's that hard to do. I mean, you are the one who's setting expectations most of the time. If you don't think you can do it, then give yourself a buffer. Better yet, if its time related, have the person remind you. Now the onus is no longer on just you.
Let me conclude with how I've changed over the years. There are people I know I can rely on and people, well, who are not so reliable. I can count the number of people in the former on my hands. I'm going to keep it that way. Everyone else, I will just lower expectations so I'm not constantly disappointed. If expectations are met, then its a bonus.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Open or Closed
Anne asked me tonight, "On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being private and 10 being open, what would you be?" I answered a 7 or 8. It made me wonder why. Why am I so open to the world about my life, my feelings, my emotions, my opinions? Some might say I'm opening myself to criticism. I'm allowing people to judge me without talking to me. I'm inviting strangers into my world. God forbid a future employer reads this and determines whether to employ me or not. My answer is "So what?"
If people wish to judge me on what they read rather than talking to me or spending time with me, then so be it. That's their prerogative. Actually, I hope employers read this so they can get a better understanding of who I am after or before they interview me. Right now, it doesn't matter because I have a great job and don't plan on leaving unless they get rid of me. As for people, if my opinions prevent people from engaging with me,well, then its probably for the best. What I hope is that it makes it easier for people to approach me because I've given them a million things to talk to me about. What I don't want is for people to argue with me and try to convince me that my opinions are wrong. Feel free to share your opinion with me, but please don't force them on me.
I want to share my thoughts and experiences with the world because life is all about experiences. Nobody can possibly experience everything, so why not share mine with others who may not get the chance to. In terms of opinions, I believe the more opinions there are, the more thought that is provoked, the more progress we can make. I've always enjoyed reading (mostly watching) autobiographies. So many interesting things happen to people that I don't think I'll ever experience. I know I may not have any unique experiences or opinions but mine may be different enough to stimulate some conversations. I may have a different perspective or handled things differently than expected. That's what has always interested me. How people handle every kind of situation. Most people won't share this much about themselves because we're all afraid that we may have handled a situation improperly or not the way others would have handled it so why let people know? To me, it doesn't matter. To me, to hear about the situation and to get my mind to think about how I would have handled it regardless of how others handled it, I think, prepares me better for the future. learning about the situation or knowing someones opinion gets me thinking. It gets me to start wondering. Sure, I may not have to decide whether to invade Cuba or not, but I may be put in a very stressful situation where I have to make a very difficult situation without knowing all the facts. Learning about how JFK handled it, taught me a little bit more how to assess a situation and try to make the best decision possible and live with the consequences. Many times there will be no correct decision, the important thing is to make a decision and to believe in it. Or I may never be in a game 7 of the NBA finals, shooting my team out of the game in the first half, then adjusting to make the right decisions in the 4th quarter to secure the second consecutive championship and finals MVP, but I can learn how to trust people on a team and focus on the task at hand. Or I may not be a part of a family that doesn't agree with my lifestyle, but I can learn to always stay true to myself and love unconditionally.
So I'm an open book. Some may not be as open as I am, but that's okay. The important thing is that we accept who we are. Not everyone in the world is going to like you or agree with you. So you might as well be happy with yourself.
I am a middle child.
If people wish to judge me on what they read rather than talking to me or spending time with me, then so be it. That's their prerogative. Actually, I hope employers read this so they can get a better understanding of who I am after or before they interview me. Right now, it doesn't matter because I have a great job and don't plan on leaving unless they get rid of me. As for people, if my opinions prevent people from engaging with me,well, then its probably for the best. What I hope is that it makes it easier for people to approach me because I've given them a million things to talk to me about. What I don't want is for people to argue with me and try to convince me that my opinions are wrong. Feel free to share your opinion with me, but please don't force them on me.
I want to share my thoughts and experiences with the world because life is all about experiences. Nobody can possibly experience everything, so why not share mine with others who may not get the chance to. In terms of opinions, I believe the more opinions there are, the more thought that is provoked, the more progress we can make. I've always enjoyed reading (mostly watching) autobiographies. So many interesting things happen to people that I don't think I'll ever experience. I know I may not have any unique experiences or opinions but mine may be different enough to stimulate some conversations. I may have a different perspective or handled things differently than expected. That's what has always interested me. How people handle every kind of situation. Most people won't share this much about themselves because we're all afraid that we may have handled a situation improperly or not the way others would have handled it so why let people know? To me, it doesn't matter. To me, to hear about the situation and to get my mind to think about how I would have handled it regardless of how others handled it, I think, prepares me better for the future. learning about the situation or knowing someones opinion gets me thinking. It gets me to start wondering. Sure, I may not have to decide whether to invade Cuba or not, but I may be put in a very stressful situation where I have to make a very difficult situation without knowing all the facts. Learning about how JFK handled it, taught me a little bit more how to assess a situation and try to make the best decision possible and live with the consequences. Many times there will be no correct decision, the important thing is to make a decision and to believe in it. Or I may never be in a game 7 of the NBA finals, shooting my team out of the game in the first half, then adjusting to make the right decisions in the 4th quarter to secure the second consecutive championship and finals MVP, but I can learn how to trust people on a team and focus on the task at hand. Or I may not be a part of a family that doesn't agree with my lifestyle, but I can learn to always stay true to myself and love unconditionally.
So I'm an open book. Some may not be as open as I am, but that's okay. The important thing is that we accept who we are. Not everyone in the world is going to like you or agree with you. So you might as well be happy with yourself.
I am a middle child.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Fatherhood Part 1
What does it take to be a father? What kind of father do I want to be? With Father's day coming up, I've been thinking a lot about those two questions. To me, its all a mystery. While I can't say I've had the best father figures growing up, I can say that I've seen examples of great fathers in my life either from TV or from other families.
When trying to answer both of these questions, I tend to get lost in my analysis. To me a father is someone who teaches you discipline, tells you the truth even if its brutal, supports you when you need it, guides you when you ask for it, protects you at all times. I have a friend whose father used to beat him. His father was a true disciplinarian. I remember talking to him when we were growing up and seeing him become very emotional. He feared and hated his father. While I'm not condoning the beating of your children, I can say that his father taught him how to be fiercely independent. He used to tell me stories of how his father taught him, as a child, how to fix practically anything in the house. If I remember correctly, he told me that he and his father completely disassembled and reassembled a car engine. This friend was definitely the first person I went to when I needed something fixed. Later on as adults we discussed the prospect of becoming parents and he told me that he was afraid to become a parent. He was afraid because he thought he would be like his father to his own children. He was afraid of having a short temper and being a physical disciplinarian. My friend is one of the strongest people I know. To see him become emotional was incomprehensible. He had grown to become unflappable, yet at the same time he was so vulnerable when it came to the idea of raising his own children. Today he has a beautiful son who he adores. The old cliché of growing up to become your parents does not necessarily hold true. I've always known that he would become a great father because he knew what he didn't want to do but had all the tools to know what he did want to do.
In my case, I didn't have a stable father figure. Due to divorce, my biological father did not live with us and my brothers and I only saw him occassionally. What I did have growing up was my Mom's boyfriend who moved to San Diego with us. I do not envy "Tito Jim". He moved in with us when I was 10, Kuya Dondee was 13, and Ryan was 6. Besides being caucasian, he didn't have kids of his own and he suffered from alcoholism. I will be the first to admit that I wasn't the easiest kid to raise. What I did learn from him was more how to love. He truly loved my Mom. He had no idea how to raise 3 boys, but he loved my mom. I try to love my wife in a very similar fashion sans alcohol.
I didn't really forge a real relationship with my real dad until college. Since I moved out of San Diego to attend Long Beach State, I was a lot closer to him as he lived in San Pedro. Being an adult already and a little more mature, I let go of any anger I had with him growing up. What I learned from him was humility and living within your means. He definitely made the most of the income he earned. He always emphasized "living within your means". I always think about that when it comes to budgeting and planning large purchases.
While my two main father figures taught me a lot, I know deep inside I do not want to be like either of them. If I could create my own father, I would want him to be more involved in my life. I would want him to cease every opportunity to teach me how to be a good person. He would provide me with the knowledge and tools to make good decisions. He would protect me from harm and boast about my accomplishments during my early years. As a teenager he would teach me how to be independent, tell me when I'm being a knucklehead, punish me when I make mistakes but always tell me that he loves me. He doesn't necessarily have to be my friend, but he definitely would have to be someone I respected.
When I become a father, I want to do everything for my kids but not spoil them. I want to provide them all the opportunities they could possibly have without forcing them into anything. I want to be that guy who everybody thinks is wrapped around their kids fingers but you know he's always in control. I don't ever want to ignore my kids. But I don't want to smother them. At this point, I'm not sure what kind of father I will be until I actually have kids. Saying what I want to do, I'm sure, is easier than actually doing it.
At this point in my life, a lot, if not all of my friends are having kids. I truly enjoy watching them interact with their kids. I take mental notes of all the things I want to keep in my fatherhood toolbox. When I see kids acting up or crying, I want to be patient enough to calm them down. My wife's sister and her husband are the best at it. Whenever their 4 and 2 year old start crying, for whatever reason, they both seem to have the ability to quickly stop the crying. Most importantly, they do it in such a calm manner it seems like they are able to reason with their children. Did I mention their children are only 4 and 2 years old. I have never, ever, ever witnessed this before. I have seen parents yank their kids so violently that MY arm started to hurt. I've seen public yelling. I've seen people ignore their kids, berate their kids, smack their kids. I want to know my in-laws secret for keeping their cool and still accomplishing what seems like the impossible. I can only hope that I have the patience that they do.
As a father, I want to be able to teach my kids how to fix everything around the house. I want them to feel like I enjoy spending time with them no matter how old they are. I want to be present for them at all times. I want them to be able to talk to me about everything. I want them to try and stump me with their questions. I want to raise them to respect their elders, adore their mother, and take care of me when I'm too old to take care of myself.
Growing up I thought I would have kids in my mid-20's. My only reasoning was that I didn't want to be too old when they became teenagers. I wanted to still be an imposing figure. In retrospect, I believe Anne making me wait was the best thing to do. At this point in my life I can absolutely say that Anne and I are financially stable. Growing up, I never knew what that meant. When we are ready to have kids, I know that we will be able to provide them with infinitely more than we were provided growing up. No disrespect to my Mother, who did everything she could to be mother and father to my brothers and me, I know that not having to worry about finances will allow Anne and I to focus on providing our children more opportunities for happiness and success.
So to my most influential father figures Dr. Cliff Huxtible, Steven Keaton, Dr. Jason Seaver, Danny Tanner and even Dan Conner, thank you for showing me how great Father's handle all situations.
To all the fathers out there, Happy Father's Day. I respect that you have chosen to raise a child in this world. I look forward to the day that I get to experience all the ups and downs of fatherhood.
When trying to answer both of these questions, I tend to get lost in my analysis. To me a father is someone who teaches you discipline, tells you the truth even if its brutal, supports you when you need it, guides you when you ask for it, protects you at all times. I have a friend whose father used to beat him. His father was a true disciplinarian. I remember talking to him when we were growing up and seeing him become very emotional. He feared and hated his father. While I'm not condoning the beating of your children, I can say that his father taught him how to be fiercely independent. He used to tell me stories of how his father taught him, as a child, how to fix practically anything in the house. If I remember correctly, he told me that he and his father completely disassembled and reassembled a car engine. This friend was definitely the first person I went to when I needed something fixed. Later on as adults we discussed the prospect of becoming parents and he told me that he was afraid to become a parent. He was afraid because he thought he would be like his father to his own children. He was afraid of having a short temper and being a physical disciplinarian. My friend is one of the strongest people I know. To see him become emotional was incomprehensible. He had grown to become unflappable, yet at the same time he was so vulnerable when it came to the idea of raising his own children. Today he has a beautiful son who he adores. The old cliché of growing up to become your parents does not necessarily hold true. I've always known that he would become a great father because he knew what he didn't want to do but had all the tools to know what he did want to do.
In my case, I didn't have a stable father figure. Due to divorce, my biological father did not live with us and my brothers and I only saw him occassionally. What I did have growing up was my Mom's boyfriend who moved to San Diego with us. I do not envy "Tito Jim". He moved in with us when I was 10, Kuya Dondee was 13, and Ryan was 6. Besides being caucasian, he didn't have kids of his own and he suffered from alcoholism. I will be the first to admit that I wasn't the easiest kid to raise. What I did learn from him was more how to love. He truly loved my Mom. He had no idea how to raise 3 boys, but he loved my mom. I try to love my wife in a very similar fashion sans alcohol.
I didn't really forge a real relationship with my real dad until college. Since I moved out of San Diego to attend Long Beach State, I was a lot closer to him as he lived in San Pedro. Being an adult already and a little more mature, I let go of any anger I had with him growing up. What I learned from him was humility and living within your means. He definitely made the most of the income he earned. He always emphasized "living within your means". I always think about that when it comes to budgeting and planning large purchases.
While my two main father figures taught me a lot, I know deep inside I do not want to be like either of them. If I could create my own father, I would want him to be more involved in my life. I would want him to cease every opportunity to teach me how to be a good person. He would provide me with the knowledge and tools to make good decisions. He would protect me from harm and boast about my accomplishments during my early years. As a teenager he would teach me how to be independent, tell me when I'm being a knucklehead, punish me when I make mistakes but always tell me that he loves me. He doesn't necessarily have to be my friend, but he definitely would have to be someone I respected.
When I become a father, I want to do everything for my kids but not spoil them. I want to provide them all the opportunities they could possibly have without forcing them into anything. I want to be that guy who everybody thinks is wrapped around their kids fingers but you know he's always in control. I don't ever want to ignore my kids. But I don't want to smother them. At this point, I'm not sure what kind of father I will be until I actually have kids. Saying what I want to do, I'm sure, is easier than actually doing it.
At this point in my life, a lot, if not all of my friends are having kids. I truly enjoy watching them interact with their kids. I take mental notes of all the things I want to keep in my fatherhood toolbox. When I see kids acting up or crying, I want to be patient enough to calm them down. My wife's sister and her husband are the best at it. Whenever their 4 and 2 year old start crying, for whatever reason, they both seem to have the ability to quickly stop the crying. Most importantly, they do it in such a calm manner it seems like they are able to reason with their children. Did I mention their children are only 4 and 2 years old. I have never, ever, ever witnessed this before. I have seen parents yank their kids so violently that MY arm started to hurt. I've seen public yelling. I've seen people ignore their kids, berate their kids, smack their kids. I want to know my in-laws secret for keeping their cool and still accomplishing what seems like the impossible. I can only hope that I have the patience that they do.
As a father, I want to be able to teach my kids how to fix everything around the house. I want them to feel like I enjoy spending time with them no matter how old they are. I want to be present for them at all times. I want them to be able to talk to me about everything. I want them to try and stump me with their questions. I want to raise them to respect their elders, adore their mother, and take care of me when I'm too old to take care of myself.
Growing up I thought I would have kids in my mid-20's. My only reasoning was that I didn't want to be too old when they became teenagers. I wanted to still be an imposing figure. In retrospect, I believe Anne making me wait was the best thing to do. At this point in my life I can absolutely say that Anne and I are financially stable. Growing up, I never knew what that meant. When we are ready to have kids, I know that we will be able to provide them with infinitely more than we were provided growing up. No disrespect to my Mother, who did everything she could to be mother and father to my brothers and me, I know that not having to worry about finances will allow Anne and I to focus on providing our children more opportunities for happiness and success.
So to my most influential father figures Dr. Cliff Huxtible, Steven Keaton, Dr. Jason Seaver, Danny Tanner and even Dan Conner, thank you for showing me how great Father's handle all situations.
To all the fathers out there, Happy Father's Day. I respect that you have chosen to raise a child in this world. I look forward to the day that I get to experience all the ups and downs of fatherhood.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Ego
Everyone has one but nobody is supposed to acknowledge it. It's a slippery slope. On the one hand, one hopes to show humility and grace. On the other hand, one needs to know when to be assertive. For me, more often than not, I feel like most people in my life are smarter than me. (Wittier? Not so much). My mother figured out how to raise 3 boys on her own while trying to assimilate into American society. My father was able to make the most out of the modest salary that he earned. My older brother, although being developmentally challenged, is able to be self sufficient in another state with no family near him. My other brother is independent, talented, adored by many, and well respected. Another brother constantly amazes me with his leadership abilities not to mention his supreme musical talent. One of my friends runs his own business in healthcare. Many of my friends have their MBA from a tier 1 school. I know a lot of people who are great at Poker. That's definitely not a stupid person's game. I can't say enough about how intelligent my wife is despite being so much younger than me and having less work experience. I could go on and on.
At the same time, I feel like I'm smarter than the average bear. When I was interviewing for career opportunities, I felt very confident with my answers bordering on cocky. As a matter of fact, most of the people that I meet for the first time I assume I'm smarter than. Does that make me egotistical? Granted, after I get to know a person more, for the most part I end up feeling like they are smarter than me. What does it all mean? I don't know how many people have told me that I don't apply myself. Does this mean that they think I could be smarter than I really am? that I could be better? Can't the same be said about almost everyone? Can't we all be better?
This quandry is what has always made me curious about personality tests or iq tests. I think it's what drives some of my competitiveness with games. Playing scrabble, racing against others to solve a crossword or sodoku, even beating people in Bejewelled provides me some sense of intellgence ranking. Silly, I know. But I have to admit, those people that do beat me earn some amount of Mensa respect. Even in high school and college, I have to admit that most of my motivation for getting good grades was simply to beat my classmates. It was more satisfying for me to have the highest score on a test than to get a good grade at the end of the semester because the instructor doesn't reveal your final grade to your classmates. That, for sure, is egotistical. I'm not ashamed of it, because it was not that often that I would get the top score. However, when I did, I felt like I was on top of the world.
I know I should just be happy with who I am and stop comparing myself to others. But I think it is just human nature. For the most part, especially in the office, you have to realize who you can rely on and who you can't when it comes to answering your questions or who can mentor you. Then at some point you have to know when you can become the mentor.
How about I just assume everybody's a genius until they prove me wrong. I love when people prove me wrong.
At the same time, I feel like I'm smarter than the average bear. When I was interviewing for career opportunities, I felt very confident with my answers bordering on cocky. As a matter of fact, most of the people that I meet for the first time I assume I'm smarter than. Does that make me egotistical? Granted, after I get to know a person more, for the most part I end up feeling like they are smarter than me. What does it all mean? I don't know how many people have told me that I don't apply myself. Does this mean that they think I could be smarter than I really am? that I could be better? Can't the same be said about almost everyone? Can't we all be better?
This quandry is what has always made me curious about personality tests or iq tests. I think it's what drives some of my competitiveness with games. Playing scrabble, racing against others to solve a crossword or sodoku, even beating people in Bejewelled provides me some sense of intellgence ranking. Silly, I know. But I have to admit, those people that do beat me earn some amount of Mensa respect. Even in high school and college, I have to admit that most of my motivation for getting good grades was simply to beat my classmates. It was more satisfying for me to have the highest score on a test than to get a good grade at the end of the semester because the instructor doesn't reveal your final grade to your classmates. That, for sure, is egotistical. I'm not ashamed of it, because it was not that often that I would get the top score. However, when I did, I felt like I was on top of the world.
I know I should just be happy with who I am and stop comparing myself to others. But I think it is just human nature. For the most part, especially in the office, you have to realize who you can rely on and who you can't when it comes to answering your questions or who can mentor you. Then at some point you have to know when you can become the mentor.
How about I just assume everybody's a genius until they prove me wrong. I love when people prove me wrong.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Utopia
Who's to say who is right and who is wrong? Who made the rules? And how do we know those rules are right? Who created morals? These are just some of the questions that I ask myself more often that I would like to admit. Throughout the day I witness things that make these questions resurface. Watching the news about wars due to religious diffences makes me wonder who are the bad guys? Going on facebook I read posts that I do not agree with but I'm not sure why I don't agree. There are some people that believe that being gay is wrong. They believe this because of their religion. Who am I to say that what they think is wrong? While I believe that everyone has a right to live their life whichever way they want, does it mean that I'm wrong in that religion's eyes? I remember watching a Jodie Foster movie called "Contact". The basic premise was that we had made contact with another life form outside of earth. An invitation was sent from these aliens to have a human visit them to teach them what human beings were all about. So a panel was created to determine who would be the best representative of human beings. Jodie Foster portrayed a scientist who was nominated to be that representative. When being interviewed a question was asked of her, "Do you believe in God?" She responded by saying that being a woman of science she did not believe that there was or is a God because there wasn't any irrefutable evidence to believe so. The panel determined that because 99% of the human population believed in some form of higher being, Jodie Foster's character, even though the most knowledgeable about the earth, would not be an ideal representative for our planet. That scene always reminds me of why it is difficult for me to be "religious". Almost everybody in the world believes in some form of God. Some religions state that if you do not follow their ways, then you are going to some form of hell. Since there is more than one religion that believes this, that means that everyone is going to some form of hell. How does this make sense? At the same time, how can we not believe in God? Quite a conundrum we are all faced with. What does that say about me if I'm not religious but I believe in God? Being brought up Catholic, I am aware of what I need to do to go to heaven. But for non-Catholics, what's in store for them? What if I want to go where the non-Catholics go? Is that wrong? Questions, questions, questions. Who knows the answers? Who gets to say if a picture is insensitive or not. Who knows? My head hurts.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Laker Haters
I've been a Lakers fan for as long as I can remember. Growing up in the 80's in SoCal it was hard not to be. Yes, I was still die hard during the 90's. Anyone who knows me knows that I live and die with the purple and gold. This lead me to think about some fans that I've come across. Living in LA, most of the sports fans that I have come across have been passionate and overall pretty cool. The people that irritate me the most are the haters. The haters are those people that hate a team for no good reason. In my opinion (as always), the only good reason to hate a team is rivalry. And when I say hate, I don't mean it in a racist, sexist, or prejudicial manner. I mean you root against them. I've come across far too many people who have rooted against the Lakers no matter who the Lakers are playing. So far I haven't heard a good reason for their hate. The most popular reason being the whole Colorado incident with Kobe. To me, that is not a good reason. Fine, dislike Kobe because of his personal life but when it comes to sports, I really think it should be kept separate. Most of the time these haters say their reason is that they "just do". My personal opinion about these haters, specifically Laker haters in or from Socal, is that they are craving attention. They want to "rage against the machine". They DON'T want to be a part of popular opinion. Going against the majority demonstrates "free thinking". Most of these people I think just enjoy antagonizing others. Someone told me they root against the Lakers because they like rooting for the underdog. That's fine so long as you can say you root for the Lakers when they are the underdog. I think she does it just to piss off her fiance. Haha.
A young relative of mine told me that her Junior High School (in LA) hates the Lakers. Huh? I'll chalk that one up to going through a rebellious phase. It's the adults who irritate me.
On a side note, someone I know on FB was tagged in a picture of the Celtics Big 3 holding their jerseys. Instead of their names on the back of the jerseys, it read "We Are F*gs". I told her that the picture was insensitive and ignorant. She responded by asking to keep her out of it. Yet she's still tagged in the picture and she commented to the person who posted the picture by saying "someone" was offended but he (the guy who posted the pic) is still her "dawg". I'm not marching in parades or participating in rallies, but at some point you have to take a stand. People, especially this generation need to be more cognizant of the messages that they are spreading.
A young relative of mine told me that her Junior High School (in LA) hates the Lakers. Huh? I'll chalk that one up to going through a rebellious phase. It's the adults who irritate me.
On a side note, someone I know on FB was tagged in a picture of the Celtics Big 3 holding their jerseys. Instead of their names on the back of the jerseys, it read "We Are F*gs". I told her that the picture was insensitive and ignorant. She responded by asking to keep her out of it. Yet she's still tagged in the picture and she commented to the person who posted the picture by saying "someone" was offended but he (the guy who posted the pic) is still her "dawg". I'm not marching in parades or participating in rallies, but at some point you have to take a stand. People, especially this generation need to be more cognizant of the messages that they are spreading.
Celebrity Sighting
So I was in Vegas this weekend. While celebrating a friend's birthday at V-bar in the Venetian, a celebrity came in at 3am. I don't know what came over me. I'm not sure if it was the alcohol, the celebrity, or the moment, but I acted like a fool. The celebrity was Wayne Brady. He happened to occupy the seating area next to ours. Some of the girls we were with immediately ran over to him to take a picture. At the same time, I thought to myself, "It's Wayne Brady Bitch!", and being a big fan of his comedy, singing, and overall talent, I wanted to be in the picture too. So I ran, check that, I stepped over from our couch to his couch and tried to join the picture. Wayne Brady, 3 girls, and ME!! Makes sense right? At the time it did. But sober Wayne Brady looked at me like I was a crazy man and said "Really?! C'mon man, really?!" I explained to him that I know those girls (so its cool right?) and he responded with "And?!" After a few seconds, I understood. I calmly apologized, told him I was a big fan, and offered my hand as a testament of my realization of how lame I acted even by my standards. He graciously accepted my apology and my wife astutely captured the moment. 
I don't know what came over me. I've seen plenty of celebrities in person like Adam Sandler, Leonardo Dicaprio, and Kobe Bryant. I usually just admire them from a far and try to take a picture of them. Never have I had the gumption to actually go up to them and make contact. In fact I would make sure I don't bother them because I was afraid of being one of "those" guys. The fear of them not liking me was not worth a picture. HOWEVER, in retrospect, the fact that this is my first and only picture with a celebrity in the wild, my attitude has changed a bit. With a little liquid courage as my excuse, I won't be as afraid to act a fool for the picture.
I don't know what came over me. I've seen plenty of celebrities in person like Adam Sandler, Leonardo Dicaprio, and Kobe Bryant. I usually just admire them from a far and try to take a picture of them. Never have I had the gumption to actually go up to them and make contact. In fact I would make sure I don't bother them because I was afraid of being one of "those" guys. The fear of them not liking me was not worth a picture. HOWEVER, in retrospect, the fact that this is my first and only picture with a celebrity in the wild, my attitude has changed a bit. With a little liquid courage as my excuse, I won't be as afraid to act a fool for the picture.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Unemployment Day 19: Television
Growing up in the 80's, I have said that the boob tube has played a significant role in my upbringing. I think it is because in this decade we started off with 6 or 7 VHF channels and a bunch of local UHF channels that nobody ever watched. If you don't know what VHF or UHF is, then that is yet another sign that I'm no longer young. Because there were such limited channels, people who watched TV were essentially watching the same shows. So my generation (Gen X) was brainwashed similarly. Then in the early 80's cable television came to be with 2 channels, On TV and Select TV. These were considered cable channels to me because they showed unedited movies with no commercials. Then there was the Satellite TV. No not the rinky dink dish that you put on your roof, we had a satellite installed in our backyard that looked like it was stolen from NASA. And they should have told you that you had to be a rocket scientist to try and figure out how to change the channel. I guess you can compare television in the 80's to the internet in the late 90's and early 2000's. It was an ever changing technology that kept expanding the universe that we were exposed to.
Here are a list of shows that I watched that shaped me during my childhood.
The A-Team, MacGyver, Knight Rider, Magnum PI, Airwolf - Action shows that taught me the difference between good and evil. They fostered my creativity for solving problems using things that are available to you like your mind and duct tape. There was a lot of science I learned too.
Happy Days, Growing Pains, Family Ties, The Cosby Show, The Brady Bunch, Roseanne, The Wonder Years, Doogie Howser, MD - Family shows that taught me how to handle family drama. Issues kids go through when growing up. How to handle your siblings. How to handle dysfunction.
The more I think about it, the more shows I remember watching. The overall message of most of these shows is that if you do the right thing, good things will happen. It was full of happy endings, do-gooders, and life lessons. There was "one to grow on" or "knowing half the battle". Things were basically spelled out for the audience. There were no misinterpretations or multiple meanings.
So while I learned a lot from my mother and school, I would be remiss to neglect the impact that television had on who I am today.
Here are a list of shows that I watched that shaped me during my childhood.
The A-Team, MacGyver, Knight Rider, Magnum PI, Airwolf - Action shows that taught me the difference between good and evil. They fostered my creativity for solving problems using things that are available to you like your mind and duct tape. There was a lot of science I learned too.
Happy Days, Growing Pains, Family Ties, The Cosby Show, The Brady Bunch, Roseanne, The Wonder Years, Doogie Howser, MD - Family shows that taught me how to handle family drama. Issues kids go through when growing up. How to handle your siblings. How to handle dysfunction.
The more I think about it, the more shows I remember watching. The overall message of most of these shows is that if you do the right thing, good things will happen. It was full of happy endings, do-gooders, and life lessons. There was "one to grow on" or "knowing half the battle". Things were basically spelled out for the audience. There were no misinterpretations or multiple meanings.
So while I learned a lot from my mother and school, I would be remiss to neglect the impact that television had on who I am today.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Unemployment Day 18
First of all, yes, I have accepted an offer for my next professional adventure. But technically, I'm still unemployed because I haven't started, don't have a paycheck, and don't have benefits...yet. Thank you for all the well wishes and congratulations. I am really feeling the love. Please also congratulate Anne, who kept me from losing my mind.
Now to whats on my mind today since I don't have to look for a job. Facebook.
Facebook, to me, is a revolution. Let me preface my thoughts by saying that everything I say is my opinion, not fact, not the gospel, nor is it trying to correct, teach, influence, or preach. Just a blog man, just a blog. So.........Facebook. Facebook has had a great influence on me. Like friendster, it has allowed me to reconnect with some long lost friends and relatives. Most specially (sounds weird) but yeah, most especially to be closer to my relatives overseas. Like Myspace, it allowed me to easily find things that interest me and connect with people with similar interests. But unlike other social networking sites, it has provided a community. I feel like all my "friends" are my neighbors. I know what they want me to know about them. I see pictures (the best part), I know their likes and dislikes, I know whats on their mind. It's like being on a private retreat all over the world with everyone I know.
Everyone can scream from the mountain top. Scream whatever you want. Someone is listening. There's never a shortage of people who want to discuss whatever topic you want. It's great. Growing up in the 80's you couldn't just go up to people you barely knew and start a conversation. Now, if I want to wish an old high school classmate happy birthday even if I haven't spoken to him in 20 years, I can, and it won't be weird. Crazy. If I want to discuss the joys of marriage or celebrate Kobe's back to back championships without Shaq, that would be ok too.
While it's not perfect (there is still a lot of hate), I think the beauty of it is that you could leave your opinion on other people's comments. It could be one word or a novel. Your profile is your personality. Your comments reflect your view on everything. It will show others if you are compassionate, sensitive, egotistical, opinionated. You are basically giving others a window into your soul. Although I'm not sure what farmville says about me. The there are those who don't reveal anything and just like to be a part of the community, that's fine too.
So, I say to all my fb friends, share yourself, leave comments, but don't hate. Respect everyone's opinion. If someone blocks you, deletes you, or limits what you are exposed to about them, its probably not a mistake. Don't ask them why, ask yourself why. It's probably because you did or said something to make them do it.
Wow, I'm new to blogging and am not the most concise writer. I apologize for the disjointed nature of my writing. I'm still high from everything that's happened this week. I have a new niece, I have a new job, and my father-in-law just had a CT Scan and is cancer free now for 2 years.
GO LAKERS!!
Now to whats on my mind today since I don't have to look for a job. Facebook.
Facebook, to me, is a revolution. Let me preface my thoughts by saying that everything I say is my opinion, not fact, not the gospel, nor is it trying to correct, teach, influence, or preach. Just a blog man, just a blog. So.........Facebook. Facebook has had a great influence on me. Like friendster, it has allowed me to reconnect with some long lost friends and relatives. Most specially (sounds weird) but yeah, most especially to be closer to my relatives overseas. Like Myspace, it allowed me to easily find things that interest me and connect with people with similar interests. But unlike other social networking sites, it has provided a community. I feel like all my "friends" are my neighbors. I know what they want me to know about them. I see pictures (the best part), I know their likes and dislikes, I know whats on their mind. It's like being on a private retreat all over the world with everyone I know.
Everyone can scream from the mountain top. Scream whatever you want. Someone is listening. There's never a shortage of people who want to discuss whatever topic you want. It's great. Growing up in the 80's you couldn't just go up to people you barely knew and start a conversation. Now, if I want to wish an old high school classmate happy birthday even if I haven't spoken to him in 20 years, I can, and it won't be weird. Crazy. If I want to discuss the joys of marriage or celebrate Kobe's back to back championships without Shaq, that would be ok too.
While it's not perfect (there is still a lot of hate), I think the beauty of it is that you could leave your opinion on other people's comments. It could be one word or a novel. Your profile is your personality. Your comments reflect your view on everything. It will show others if you are compassionate, sensitive, egotistical, opinionated. You are basically giving others a window into your soul. Although I'm not sure what farmville says about me. The there are those who don't reveal anything and just like to be a part of the community, that's fine too.
So, I say to all my fb friends, share yourself, leave comments, but don't hate. Respect everyone's opinion. If someone blocks you, deletes you, or limits what you are exposed to about them, its probably not a mistake. Don't ask them why, ask yourself why. It's probably because you did or said something to make them do it.
Wow, I'm new to blogging and am not the most concise writer. I apologize for the disjointed nature of my writing. I'm still high from everything that's happened this week. I have a new niece, I have a new job, and my father-in-law just had a CT Scan and is cancer free now for 2 years.
GO LAKERS!!
Monday, May 24, 2010
Unemployment Day 16
Had an interview today. I thought things went well. After interviewing a couple dozen times, I feel a sense of comfort during the interview process. In the beginning it was pretty nerve-racking. I was never comfortable "selling" myself. But I've learned, if you don't, who will? But there is a fine line between confident and cocky. What I've learned is that you can embellish on your resume. But you can't in an interview. I feel that the interview process accomplishes 2 things. First, can you intelligently demonstrate that you are qualified for the position. And second, do you fit the culture.
For me the latter is most important. Company culture usually determines how successful I will be with a company. If I feel comfortable then I am more likely to enjoy working more. I will be more motivated to succeed. The position will feel less like a job and more like a career. Also, if I fit the company culture then I have more confidence learning things I may have been deficient in to succeed in the position.
Another part of the interview process is salary negotiation. Salary negotiation is still a tricky process for me. I hate trying to put a number on my value. While I understand that you want to get as much as possible, you don't want to seem greedy. At the same time, companies are expected to offer you the magical number that shows they value you but also do not want to overpay you. Rarely does your number match their number.
This leads me to a question that I discuss with Anne all the time. Is it better to be overpaid or underpaid? If you are overpaid, you get the money but psychologically you don't have the security. If you are underpaid its the opposite. Then again, if you are underpaid, you may have the security, but you may not have much satisfaction.
Honestly, I wish salary was not a factor. I would love to just work for a company that demonstrates their appreciation. However, appreciation doesn't pay the bills.
For me the latter is most important. Company culture usually determines how successful I will be with a company. If I feel comfortable then I am more likely to enjoy working more. I will be more motivated to succeed. The position will feel less like a job and more like a career. Also, if I fit the company culture then I have more confidence learning things I may have been deficient in to succeed in the position.
Another part of the interview process is salary negotiation. Salary negotiation is still a tricky process for me. I hate trying to put a number on my value. While I understand that you want to get as much as possible, you don't want to seem greedy. At the same time, companies are expected to offer you the magical number that shows they value you but also do not want to overpay you. Rarely does your number match their number.
This leads me to a question that I discuss with Anne all the time. Is it better to be overpaid or underpaid? If you are overpaid, you get the money but psychologically you don't have the security. If you are underpaid its the opposite. Then again, if you are underpaid, you may have the security, but you may not have much satisfaction.
Honestly, I wish salary was not a factor. I would love to just work for a company that demonstrates their appreciation. However, appreciation doesn't pay the bills.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Unemployment Day 13
So I was continuing to think "What kind of company would hire someone like me?" Again, I'm not an expert in anything but I have experience in a lot of different things. I guess you could label me as a Financial Technologist? an Informational Analyst? Who knows. All I know is that I approach every professional opportunity as that, an opportunity; an opportunity to learn, an opportunity to grow, an opportunity to expand my horizons, but most of all an opportunity to become a professional at something. I may have not taken the path that my parents wanted. I'm not in the medical profession, I'm not a lawyer. So what the heck am I? I like to think of myself as a "logician?" If that is even a word. I like to apply logic to my responsibilities and tasks. How can I make things better? How can I get things completed? How can I make things more efficient? How can I quantify results and provide reasoning for them?
I went on indeed.com to see what kind of positions they would suggest for me. As I thought, the spectrum was broad, project manager, financial analyst, systems implementation specialist, reporting manager. It sounded like my resume, all over the place. But with the 10 years of working experience I had, there was no position that utilized all of my experience. What to do? I decided to not stress out about it. I contacted some head hunters and let them worry about it.
I decided I was going to enjoy my time off, play as much golf as possible, see what I could fix at home, expand my culinary repertoire (I learned how to cook risotto), figure out how to be a better husband and catch up with some old friends. This is when I realized how important maintaining relationships are.
Since I've worked at many different companies during my career, I've been able to meet a lot of different people in a multitude of different industries. I actually know a lot of people. And a lot of those people know what I am capable of. Then I started looking back at my past positions and how I got them.
My first job out of college was through a fraternity brother that I pledged with. I had no experience in the position, but since he vouched for me, I was hired. The next company I moved to was a client of mine from my first job. After that, a coworker from my first company who has become one of my best friends, referred me to a position with Kaiser. After Kaiser, a recruiter actually found me a position where the hiring manager ended up being a high school classmate. While he wasn't able to hire me, he did refer me to another position with the company which I did get hired for. I started to see a trend. This has provided me with a sense of comfort. My "network" has my back. It's a great feeling. I have quite a few people looking out for me.
This brings me back to the job hunt. Last week I had nothing. No leads, no interesting positions, recruiters weren't calling, things looked bleak. This week, 2 recruiters called me for opportunities that were hiring immediately and they really liked my resume. And, AND, one of my old friends from Helio (who I just played golf with today) told me that he is hiring for a new position he created and he wants me to interview for it IMMEDIATELY. Seriously? While I'm not a very religious person, I must say, the Lord works in mysterious ways.
So, to summarize, I love my friends.
I went on indeed.com to see what kind of positions they would suggest for me. As I thought, the spectrum was broad, project manager, financial analyst, systems implementation specialist, reporting manager. It sounded like my resume, all over the place. But with the 10 years of working experience I had, there was no position that utilized all of my experience. What to do? I decided to not stress out about it. I contacted some head hunters and let them worry about it.
I decided I was going to enjoy my time off, play as much golf as possible, see what I could fix at home, expand my culinary repertoire (I learned how to cook risotto), figure out how to be a better husband and catch up with some old friends. This is when I realized how important maintaining relationships are.
Since I've worked at many different companies during my career, I've been able to meet a lot of different people in a multitude of different industries. I actually know a lot of people. And a lot of those people know what I am capable of. Then I started looking back at my past positions and how I got them.
My first job out of college was through a fraternity brother that I pledged with. I had no experience in the position, but since he vouched for me, I was hired. The next company I moved to was a client of mine from my first job. After that, a coworker from my first company who has become one of my best friends, referred me to a position with Kaiser. After Kaiser, a recruiter actually found me a position where the hiring manager ended up being a high school classmate. While he wasn't able to hire me, he did refer me to another position with the company which I did get hired for. I started to see a trend. This has provided me with a sense of comfort. My "network" has my back. It's a great feeling. I have quite a few people looking out for me.
This brings me back to the job hunt. Last week I had nothing. No leads, no interesting positions, recruiters weren't calling, things looked bleak. This week, 2 recruiters called me for opportunities that were hiring immediately and they really liked my resume. And, AND, one of my old friends from Helio (who I just played golf with today) told me that he is hiring for a new position he created and he wants me to interview for it IMMEDIATELY. Seriously? While I'm not a very religious person, I must say, the Lord works in mysterious ways.
So, to summarize, I love my friends.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Unemployment Day 11: My Wife
Typically, I would be writing about my journey during Day 11 of my current unemployment. However, I will use this time to honor my wife. My wife, Anne, constantly surprises me. She surprises me by showing me things I've never experienced before. Basically, two things that shaped how I think today are my childhood and 80's television. I've believed that almost every decision a person makes has some selfish reasons behind it. Some more selfish than others, but in the end we're all trying to do something for ourselves. Without going into too much detail, I applied this belief to how I handled aspects of my life. I had my expectations of how people would react to certain situations. Then along came Anne. She basically showed me that it wasn't a healthy way to live life nor was it necessarily true.
Example #1 - When Anne loves someone, she loves them unconditionally. People she loves, know for damn sure that she loves them. People who are important to her, never question her loyalty. She is as honest as they come. She will tell you straight to your face how she feels....with one exception, if I ask her not to. See the difference between her and me is that in certain situations I am......overly sensitive. Sometimes I'm afraid to hurt the ones I love so much that I will tip toe around the truth. My fear is losing that loved one or having that loved one get upset at me. Anne, on the other hand, never holds back....again unless someone (like me) asks her to. She taught me that if someone loves you or if you love someone, you should not be afraid to tell them how you feel, even if it hurts them. You have to trust that they will be able to handle it and understand even if they don't agree or it upsets them. For me, it was easier said then done. For me, I was willing to pretend everything was ok even though it wasn't. I thought that I was being a better person by avoiding the conflict. She's taught me that its better to just be honest in the beginning and deal with the repercussions. That's an important aspect of how relationships grow. It may not be easy, but I have to believe what I've been preaching for so long; the immortal words of Fredrick Douglas, "Without Struggle, There Is No Progress." I constantly underestimate my relationships with people. Only recently, because of Anne, I've learned that even my closest relationships are stronger than I thought. No matter how crazy I may be or how ridiculous the things I might say are, if its honest then it can't be a bad start.
Example #2 - So I've known I was going to be unemployed since January. It's now mid-May and I still haven't found a job. I thought, of all the people in the world, my wife would be the one who would be asking me all the time if I've found a job yet. I thought she would be the one pressuring me to just take anything because we needed the paycheck. To the contrary, she never asks me. She just encourages me to make sure I find a job that I will enjoy. She reminds me not to underestimate my value and skills in the marketplace. She discourages me from applying to jobs that are below me professionally just for the paycheck. She makes sure that I enjoy my time away from the daily grind. She does not prod me. She does not nag me. There are no sarcastic comments to subtly mask her concern because I don't feel like she is overly concerned. I feel like she knows I will find a job. She knows it will take some time. She trusts that I know when to feel the sense of urgency. Only now do I realize that she was preparing for this time for a long time. Of course, I was stressing out about being unemployed. But she was not. And in actuality she was telling me not to stress out. It was a strange feeling...thinking I needed to do something now but Anne telling me to take my time; thinking that we were going to struggle but Anne showing me that we weren't. For the first time, in a long time, I feel like I'm not on my own. My wife, has done for me something I never thought could be done, and that is to convince me that she unequivocally believes in me. Granted many people have told me that they believe in me, but I've never experienced a demonstration of that belief. I can honestly say I feel that she "has my back".
Those are just two examples of what she has taught me. I can go on and on and on about the wonders of my wife, what she does for me, what she does for us, how she takes care of me.
Let me start by saying that I've found a woman who is confident, caring, strong, smart, has the respect of her friends, family, and coworkers, who believes in herself, has the determination to be successful, who loves me and would do anything for me. That is only the beginning of who she is. I look forward to spending the rest of my life witnessing what other wonders she possesses. Love does not do justice to how I feel about her.
Example #1 - When Anne loves someone, she loves them unconditionally. People she loves, know for damn sure that she loves them. People who are important to her, never question her loyalty. She is as honest as they come. She will tell you straight to your face how she feels....with one exception, if I ask her not to. See the difference between her and me is that in certain situations I am......overly sensitive. Sometimes I'm afraid to hurt the ones I love so much that I will tip toe around the truth. My fear is losing that loved one or having that loved one get upset at me. Anne, on the other hand, never holds back....again unless someone (like me) asks her to. She taught me that if someone loves you or if you love someone, you should not be afraid to tell them how you feel, even if it hurts them. You have to trust that they will be able to handle it and understand even if they don't agree or it upsets them. For me, it was easier said then done. For me, I was willing to pretend everything was ok even though it wasn't. I thought that I was being a better person by avoiding the conflict. She's taught me that its better to just be honest in the beginning and deal with the repercussions. That's an important aspect of how relationships grow. It may not be easy, but I have to believe what I've been preaching for so long; the immortal words of Fredrick Douglas, "Without Struggle, There Is No Progress." I constantly underestimate my relationships with people. Only recently, because of Anne, I've learned that even my closest relationships are stronger than I thought. No matter how crazy I may be or how ridiculous the things I might say are, if its honest then it can't be a bad start.
Example #2 - So I've known I was going to be unemployed since January. It's now mid-May and I still haven't found a job. I thought, of all the people in the world, my wife would be the one who would be asking me all the time if I've found a job yet. I thought she would be the one pressuring me to just take anything because we needed the paycheck. To the contrary, she never asks me. She just encourages me to make sure I find a job that I will enjoy. She reminds me not to underestimate my value and skills in the marketplace. She discourages me from applying to jobs that are below me professionally just for the paycheck. She makes sure that I enjoy my time away from the daily grind. She does not prod me. She does not nag me. There are no sarcastic comments to subtly mask her concern because I don't feel like she is overly concerned. I feel like she knows I will find a job. She knows it will take some time. She trusts that I know when to feel the sense of urgency. Only now do I realize that she was preparing for this time for a long time. Of course, I was stressing out about being unemployed. But she was not. And in actuality she was telling me not to stress out. It was a strange feeling...thinking I needed to do something now but Anne telling me to take my time; thinking that we were going to struggle but Anne showing me that we weren't. For the first time, in a long time, I feel like I'm not on my own. My wife, has done for me something I never thought could be done, and that is to convince me that she unequivocally believes in me. Granted many people have told me that they believe in me, but I've never experienced a demonstration of that belief. I can honestly say I feel that she "has my back".
Those are just two examples of what she has taught me. I can go on and on and on about the wonders of my wife, what she does for me, what she does for us, how she takes care of me.
Let me start by saying that I've found a woman who is confident, caring, strong, smart, has the respect of her friends, family, and coworkers, who believes in herself, has the determination to be successful, who loves me and would do anything for me. That is only the beginning of who she is. I look forward to spending the rest of my life witnessing what other wonders she possesses. Love does not do justice to how I feel about her.
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