Adulthood

"You are such an adult." Such strange words to hear spoken to me. Being 36, it shouldn't sound strange. But I wonder when it won't sound strange to me. When I have kids? When I have grandchildren? Never?

I thought by this age I would be in full blown adult mode. I can remember when I was a kid and how I perceived people who were in their 30s. They were so serious. They were so authoritative. Rarely did I see them make jokes or be sarcastic. Or maybe they were making jokes and being sarcastic, I just didn't get it. Maybe there is no such thing as adulthood or at least what I thought it was. What I'm realizing is that the people that I know now, still act the same for as long as I can remember. Some have kids, some are nurses, some are business people but they are all older. The point is that almost every one of them acts the same as they did 10, 15, and 20 years ago. If they were serious 20 years ago, then they are still serious today. If they were sarcastic 10 years ago, then they are still sarcastic today. A few of my friends from high school commented on a post that I made on facebook. When I read it, I thought to myself, "this sounds like something they would have said when we were in high school." That's when I realized they haven't changed and I haven't changed that much either. Sure, I have more responsibilities and I'm independent, but personality-wise, I still think I'm immature in the sense that I joke around a lot.

I think that's one of my greatest fears about being a parent. That my kids will not be able to take me seriously or see me as authoritative. While I know Anne will have no problem with that because she is naturally dogmatic with children (I love using that word), I don't want her to take on all the disciplinarian duties. What's strange is that so many people have told me that I'm great with children and that I'll be a great father, but I wonder if they are confusing my love of children with being a good parent. Don't you need to be an adult to be a good parent? I think I might end up spoiling our children, especially if we have girls. I think I'll be more of a friend than a parent. Or even worse, I might try too hard to not be seen as a friend and more as a parent that I'll end up being mean.

Is it possible for a big kid to raise good little kids? Do I need to change to be an adult? Is there a male version of Carrie Bradshaw?