Ego

Everyone has one but nobody is supposed to acknowledge it. It's a slippery slope. On the one hand, one hopes to show humility and grace. On the other hand, one needs to know when to be assertive. For me, more often than not, I feel like most people in my life are smarter than me. (Wittier? Not so much). My mother figured out how to raise 3 boys on her own while trying to assimilate into American society. My father was able to make the most out of the modest salary that he earned. My older brother, although being developmentally challenged, is able to be self sufficient in another state with no family near him. My other brother is independent, talented, adored by many, and well respected. Another brother constantly amazes me with his leadership abilities not to mention his supreme musical talent. One of my friends runs his own business in healthcare. Many of my friends have their MBA from a tier 1 school. I know a lot of people who are great at Poker. That's definitely not a stupid person's game. I can't say enough about how intelligent my wife is despite being so much younger than me and having less work experience. I could go on and on.

At the same time, I feel like I'm smarter than the average bear. When I was interviewing for career opportunities, I felt very confident with my answers bordering on cocky. As a matter of fact, most of the people that I meet for the first time I assume I'm smarter than. Does that make me egotistical? Granted, after I get to know a person more, for the most part I end up feeling like they are smarter than me. What does it all mean? I don't know how many people have told me that I don't apply myself. Does this mean that they think I could be smarter than I really am? that I could be better? Can't the same be said about almost everyone? Can't we all be better?

This quandry is what has always made me curious about personality tests or iq tests. I think it's what drives some of my competitiveness with games. Playing scrabble, racing against others to solve a crossword or sodoku, even beating people in Bejewelled provides me some sense of intellgence ranking. Silly, I know. But I have to admit, those people that do beat me earn some amount of Mensa respect. Even in high school and college, I have to admit that most of my motivation for getting good grades was simply to beat my classmates. It was more satisfying for me to have the highest score on a test than to get a good grade at the end of the semester because the instructor doesn't reveal your final grade to your classmates. That, for sure, is egotistical. I'm not ashamed of it, because it was not that often that I would get the top score. However, when I did, I felt like I was on top of the world.

I know I should just be happy with who I am and stop comparing myself to others. But I think it is just human nature. For the most part, especially in the office, you have to realize who you can rely on and who you can't when it comes to answering your questions or who can mentor you. Then at some point you have to know when you can become the mentor.

How about I just assume everybody's a genius until they prove me wrong. I love when people prove me wrong.