"Be A Mang"

What does it take to be a manly man? According to the media and advertising, most Euros would not be considered manly due to their "man-bags" and tight pants. I saw another advertisement that said "The Bulk of Your Life should be lived Off-the-record." I took that to mean that people who talk about all their experiences to others are not worthy of "The Most Interesting Man in the World."

I know they are just advertisements but why do they get to get away with perpetuating or even propagating stereotypes of what it is or is not to be a man that may be considered offensive. I guess one can say that if every advertisement is analyzed that closely then someone is bound to be offended. But I would say that beer commercials are the worse blatant offenders. They should just stick to talking frogs and...well, talking frogs.

I've often been teased about many of my "likes" that may not be considered "masculine'. Forgive me if I haven't kept up to date with the Book of Masculinity that all men are required to read. Again, not your fault Mom. It was not required reading for you. I love you still. Anyway, I've learned that musicals, rom-coms, emotions, singing slow jams, drinking wine, GLEE, and romance to name a few, are not considered "manly". As a matter of fact, they are usually associated with being gay. Gay in the sense that men who like women don't typically have these likes. I often think that men who think this way are usually homophobic. Actually, any man who questions another man's masculinity is usually homophobic. But I digress.

Drinking is another thing that has quite a few nuances that I'm sure take up a few chapters in the good book. A man cannot just drink any alcohol. Let me back up, first, real men drink alcohol. The minute you turn down alcohol, unless because you are in treatment for alcohol abuse, your manliness level takes a huge dive. If a man drinks beer, light beer is frowned upon. A stout or pale ale is usually a safe choice to sustain your masculinity. You get huge points for drinking an imported beer or being able to identify an obscure beer. If you drink liquor, you risk constant ridicule and/or public flogging if you drink anything with fruit in it. If you must drink vodka, tequila, or rum, your safest bet is to take it as a shot, straight up, or on the rocks. I've seen men practically grow chest hair before my very eyes if they drink any kind of scotch. I do enjoy a good scotch now and then, but the good ones usually cost so much I would never get a good buzz. When I drink beer, my first choice is Coors Light. I am not afraid to admit that beer tastes like shit. The best beer I've ever tasted still isn't better tasting than a good ole Arnold Palmer. If its a swanky event, I can forgo the Coors Light and go with a Heineken. If I'm surrounded by beer snobs, I can drink a Fat Tire, Stella Artois, Hefenweizen, or Sapporro. In terms of hard liquor I just stick with ol' faithful, Jack and Coke.

As far as entertainment, action and violence are usually the requirements for manly movies. I like all kinds of movies. The one type of movie that I could care less about is Horror movies. Maybe this makes me look like a coward and thus, less of a man. So be it, I have yet to see any value in them.

Below are a list of things I hope to learn in order to increase my masculinity level.

1. Whistle as loud as possible putting fingers in my mouth.
2. Drink more imported beer.
3. Tie some interesting knots.
4. Magic Tricks.


That's all I can think of right now. I don't want to change too much, I'm already married.

Seriously though, men should not have to worry about being manly.