Unemployment Day 11: My Wife

Typically, I would be writing about my journey during Day 11 of my current unemployment. However, I will use this time to honor my wife. My wife, Anne, constantly surprises me. She surprises me by showing me things I've never experienced before. Basically, two things that shaped how I think today are my childhood and 80's television. I've believed that almost every decision a person makes has some selfish reasons behind it. Some more selfish than others, but in the end we're all trying to do something for ourselves. Without going into too much detail, I applied this belief to how I handled aspects of my life. I had my expectations of how people would react to certain situations. Then along came Anne. She basically showed me that it wasn't a healthy way to live life nor was it necessarily true.

Example #1 - When Anne loves someone, she loves them unconditionally. People she loves, know for damn sure that she loves them. People who are important to her, never question her loyalty. She is as honest as they come. She will tell you straight to your face how she feels....with one exception, if I ask her not to. See the difference between her and me is that in certain situations I am......overly sensitive. Sometimes I'm afraid to hurt the ones I love so much that I will tip toe around the truth. My fear is losing that loved one or having that loved one get upset at me. Anne, on the other hand, never holds back....again unless someone (like me) asks her to. She taught me that if someone loves you or if you love someone, you should not be afraid to tell them how you feel, even if it hurts them. You have to trust that they will be able to handle it and understand even if they don't agree or it upsets them. For me, it was easier said then done. For me, I was willing to pretend everything was ok even though it wasn't. I thought that I was being a better person by avoiding the conflict. She's taught me that its better to just be honest in the beginning and deal with the repercussions. That's an important aspect of how relationships grow. It may not be easy, but I have to believe what I've been preaching for so long; the immortal words of Fredrick Douglas, "Without Struggle, There Is No Progress." I constantly underestimate my relationships with people. Only recently, because of Anne, I've learned that even my closest relationships are stronger than I thought. No matter how crazy I may be or how ridiculous the things I might say are, if its honest then it can't be a bad start.

Example #2 - So I've known I was going to be unemployed since January. It's now mid-May and I still haven't found a job. I thought, of all the people in the world, my wife would be the one who would be asking me all the time if I've found a job yet. I thought she would be the one pressuring me to just take anything because we needed the paycheck. To the contrary, she never asks me. She just encourages me to make sure I find a job that I will enjoy. She reminds me not to underestimate my value and skills in the marketplace. She discourages me from applying to jobs that are below me professionally just for the paycheck. She makes sure that I enjoy my time away from the daily grind. She does not prod me. She does not nag me. There are no sarcastic comments to subtly mask her concern because I don't feel like she is overly concerned. I feel like she knows I will find a job. She knows it will take some time. She trusts that I know when to feel the sense of urgency. Only now do I realize that she was preparing for this time for a long time. Of course, I was stressing out about being unemployed. But she was not. And in actuality she was telling me not to stress out. It was a strange feeling...thinking I needed to do something now but Anne telling me to take my time; thinking that we were going to struggle but Anne showing me that we weren't. For the first time, in a long time, I feel like I'm not on my own. My wife, has done for me something I never thought could be done, and that is to convince me that she unequivocally believes in me. Granted many people have told me that they believe in me, but I've never experienced a demonstration of that belief. I can honestly say I feel that she "has my back".

Those are just two examples of what she has taught me. I can go on and on and on about the wonders of my wife, what she does for me, what she does for us, how she takes care of me.

Let me start by saying that I've found a woman who is confident, caring, strong, smart, has the respect of her friends, family, and coworkers, who believes in herself, has the determination to be successful, who loves me and would do anything for me. That is only the beginning of who she is. I look forward to spending the rest of my life witnessing what other wonders she possesses. Love does not do justice to how I feel about her.