Many of my generation’s Filipino parents were not born here. The fact is that they left the Philippines seeking a better life and more opportunity for their children. I would say, for the most part, many of us have been given a better life and more opportunity. In my opinion, the biggest difference in our upbringing has been our educational system and our cultural exposure. I’m not sure what the education system in the Philippines is like, but I assume back then schools were more vocational. Also, the culture that seemed to be prevalent in my family was one of unconditional respect for your elders.
Being raised in America, and being an adult, the cultural and generational differences are becoming more and more apparent. Many of my generation’s parents did not have the resources available today to assist with parenting. It was basically parenting by inheritance. Meaning our parents raised us how they thought was best based on how they were raised. Today, we have the internet, Dr. Spock, Oprah, and Supernanny to show us proven techniques to better discipline, raise, and educate our children. I would say that my generation is almost expected to raise perfect children while my parents were just expected to survive in America. Granted, one standard in Filipino, if not all Asian culture is education. In some cultures graduating High School is an achievement. In my culture, it’s a requirement. Nevertheless, what I’m trying to say is that at some point we are going to come to a cross-road with our parents. One where our cultures are going to clash and someone will have to concede that the other one is right. If our parents are right, then it’s easy. If we are right, God help us. All my life I’ve been taught to respect my elders. The favorite saying my Mom (love you Mom!!) and my Lola would say to me is “No how come, how come!” Now, let’s say our parenting skills bump heads. Yelling at your kids is no longer the best way to discipline them. Who’s going to step up when your parents are yelling at your kids because they are acting up? Remember, respect your elders. Ideally, it would be easy to say you can explain to your parents that we don’t yell at our kids. But if your parents are yelling, it’s obviously a tenuous situation. I’m not sure speaking calmly to an irate grandparent is the easiest thing to do. Obviously, you want to share what you’ve learned with your parents, but at the same time you don’t want to tell them that the way they raised you was not the best way (even though it wasn’t). Hell, they did their best with what was available to them. Are you now going to try and “teach an old dog new tricks?” Thankfully my friends are going through this now and I am able to think about how I would handle it when I cross that road. If I think one of the elders has a different opinion on how to raise my children from Anne and me then I will take the pre-emptive attack and let them know how we do it, and if they aren’t comfortable with our methods then if a situation occurs, they can let us know and we’ll handle it. Hopefully, they’ll respect our wishes. Most likely they won’t because they’re egos could be hurt. I guess nobody really wants someone else disciplining your children. I know I don’t have any kids yet. But damn it, when we do, I’m going to make sure I’m as prepared as possible.
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