Wealthy Expectations

I think its safe to say that the wealthier you are the more resources you have available to you. As such, I believe expectations should be proportionally higher. My expectations of the wealthy are that they should conduct themselves with more maturity and sensitivity. For example, if you can afford a luxury vehicle, then you should have the common sense to be a good driver. If you don't, then you should have the common sense to get lessons. I don't know how many luxury vehicle drivers I have come across that seem to act as if they are entitled to break traffic laws. I would put money down that the chances that someone cuts in line to enter a backed up on ramp is proportional to the cost of their car. I'm sure age, ethnicity, gender, and other observable traits are a factor but the level of luxury trumps them all. Most likely I'm seeing the world through jealous goggles and I'm just looking for a reason to hate people who have more than me. But for now, I will believe that there are too many wealthy people who do not know how to handle their wealth.

My Head Hurts

Everyday the wheels in my brain are turning. I am constantly thinking about why and how and what if and howcome. Then I watch a movie like "Inception" and the questions begin to multiply. It's gotten to the point where I can't write about a single topic anymore. I'm starting to just write about writing. At first this was therapeutic and entertaining. I was able to somewhat coherently put my thoughts into words. Lately, it has become truly just random ramblings. I've written 3 entries today that I'm not going to publish because I really don't want people to think I'm any crazier than they already think. When I read some of these unpublished blogs I start to realize that I may be a big hipocrite. Believe it or not, I do care what people think of me. I'm not sure if its ok to care or not. If it's acceptable or not. I find it difficult to believe that people don't care what other people think of them. I realize that most of things I do are heavily influenced by what people will think. Does that not make me a free thinker? Does that make me less independent? Of course, there are some people whose opinion of me I care about the most. Practically every decision I make is influenced by what my wife would think. Does that make me "whooped"? I don't think so. I like to think of it as being considerate and sensitive to the one person I expect to be with me for the rest of my life. While I'm not afraid to argue, for the most part I try to avoid it. The people I respect the most are the one's who know what an opinion is and understand that everyone has one. I love when people are able to share their opinion with me and are willing to listen to my opinion and not try to convince me to agree with their opinion. Hmm..on that note, it's time to end this entry. I think I just have a lot on my mind that its starting to hurt trying to communicate it all.

Sarcasm Part 1

Why Part 1? Because this topic is so deeply rooted in my very being that giving it only one blip on my narcissistic blog would be a travesty.

I will begin with the idea that not everyone understands sarcasm. Usually, those who do not understand it are offended by it. By definition sarcasm is (looking up in dictionary.com) a "sharply ironical taunt". At face value a "taunt" can be seen as threatening and negative. The beauty of the definition lies in the ironical part. To be ironical is a gift. To taunt with irony is an skill and an artform. In no way am I saying everyone should taunt others whenever they can. You must choose your targets wisely and use caution in your subjects and delivery. Timing is essential in the use of sarcasm.

I use sarcasm in many different ways, sometimes to my detriment but mostly to my benefit. To make a person see the humor in their flaws or mistakes, I think is very noble. We often take ourselves too seriously when we strive for perfection that we forget that we are all human and we all have our quirks and idiosyncrasies. I think its worse to go about life not being aware of our social shortcomings than to accept occasional ridicule from our friends, especially when its done in good fun. The benefit I receive from using sarcasm is the peace of mind knowing that I can make people laugh. Sure, a lot of times it's at other people's expense, but I mean no harm. If harm is felt, it's usually because I've struck a nerve, been inappropriate, or used horrible timing. Alas, that is the risk of sarcasm. It is a skill that needs to be honed and used with sensitivity. But to repeat the most important aspect of sarcasm, its too lighten up the mood and bring humor into this crazy world we live in.

Tipping

My rules for tipping:

1. Restaurants - 15% standard. When I'm not drinking alcohol with my meal, I usually determine the quality of service by how often I have to ask for a refill on my drink. If I never have to ask for a refill, I'll give at least give 20%. For every time I have to ask for something or call the server over, I deduct 1%.
2. Buffets - $1-$2 per person regardless of cost.
3. Chinese restaurants - If they write down a number on a piece of paper and hand it to you because they don't accept reservations or if the lobby looks like a cattle call or if the servers do not smile or if it's service by committee or if they give you a wet glass of water with a straw or if the server says "Wachuwant?" or if you order by number - 5-10%, if they take reservations then normal restaurant rules apply.
4. Fine Dining - Some restaurants are known for their service, in that case 20% is customary but 20% of a $500 bill is a C note, if you think that's a lot then you shouldn't be dining at that restaurant.
5. While I use my right to not tip if service is lousy, if its a restaurant that I frequent, then I'll give a 15% tip then make sure I get waited on by someone else next time I go. If you don't tip at a restaurant you go to at least once a month, then you'll pay for it in the end, if you know what I mean. If it's a place I only go to 2-3 times a year, if its bad service, then bad tip. If you really want to make a statement, leaving coins is worse then leaving nothing.
6. Bottle service - 15-20% tip is automatically added at the end, so make sure you consider that when you are asking for prices. You will usually be given the price of the bottle w/o tip and taxes.
7. Taxis - $5-10 ride = $1, $11-20= $2, maximum $5 unless you are taking a cab home from because you are too drunk to drive, minimum $10 (they are saving your life).
8. Hotels - $2-$5 a night maid service, Maid Service request (pillows, toothpaste, roll-away) $2 per visit, Room service requests (maintenance) ZERO!!, Room service meals - $2 (they add a service charge already and the food is over-priced so you're not being cheap), Bellman carrying luggage to room - minimum $5 +$1 per luggage over 3 pieces, Bellman calling taxi $2, concierge $5 per visit **Business trips go crazy big baller shot caller
9. Restroom attendants - $1 if you take something not normally available at restrooms w/o attendants. ZERO for anything else.
10. Bar - First drink - minimum $5 to get their attention (always buy 1 drink first). All drinks after that $1 per drink.
11. Casinos - Black Jack: 10% for any win over $50. If you win every hand where you split more than once, then tip 20% of your total (bet $5, split twice, win $15, tip $3). Your tips mean more to them if you bet it on the side. Feel free to ask them if they want to accept tip or bet it on your next hand. If you leave the table with a profit, make sure to tip at least 10%, unless 10% means breaking up a chip when you color up. For example, if you start with $200 and you leave with $300 then don't tip. Hopefully you'll have tipped a little while you were playing. But its a good idea to get up when you have $310 so you can give $10 to the dealer.
Roulette - If you win big on one spin (>$100) tip 5%. I think your big tip should be when you leave the table - at least 10% of your profit. I don't play craps that much, so I would tip around 10% of profits.
12. Strip clubs - When I buy my friends a dance, I won't tip for the first one. If they really liked the dance, then I'll buy them another one and tip at least 25%. If the dancer asks for a tip, then definitely ZERO.
13. Golf - Caddy 10% minimum, 30% or more if you shoot a personal best. Club washers $5-$10 depending on how racist the club is. The more racist the employees the more you tip, because you want to assert your financial superiority, unless they are blatantly racist, then you make them clean your clubs until they look like new, then you give them a shiny Quarter.
14. Barbers - $5 minimum, if they call themselves a stylist then they better wash your hair. In that case $10 minimum. If they butcher your head, then less than $5. I'm getting my hair cut every 2 weeks, so it adds up.
15. Car wash - If it's $20 or less, $3. $21 or more, then $5. If they are waxing or claybarring add another $5-$10. Always, ALWAYS walk around your car and inspect before tipping.

Remember, tipping is not a requirement. If you get bad service, then don't tip or tip accordingly. But when you do tip, keep in mind that the person you are tipping may not be the only one receiving it. The tip may be split with the host, the chef, the other servers, it may go into a pool to be split at the end of the night, or it may not go to the person at all. I used to date a waitress and she told me that it's bad form to tip an obscure amount in order to make the total a round number. That tells them that the tip is not based on their service.

If you go somewhere and there is a jar or bucket that is obviously handmade, then put your change up to $3 if you are paying cash. If its at a place where they don't serve meals (starbucks), I typically don't like to tip more than spare change unless the barista is uber nice. MAKE SURE THEY SEE YOU PUT THE MONEY IN THE JAR!!

The greatest service I've ever had was at French Laundry in Napa. It was a fine dining restaurant but our server was awesome, not at all snooty. He encouraged us to ask questions, was never condescending, seemed to read our mind whenever we needed something. At the end of the meal I felt like he was an old friend. The restaurant charged a flat price per meal which included tip. I threw in another 10% of the total because the level of service was equally as extraordinary as the meal.

Parent Lesson #2 - Culture Clash

Many of my generation’s Filipino parents were not born here. The fact is that they left the Philippines seeking a better life and more opportunity for their children. I would say, for the most part, many of us have been given a better life and more opportunity. In my opinion, the biggest difference in our upbringing has been our educational system and our cultural exposure. I’m not sure what the education system in the Philippines is like, but I assume back then schools were more vocational. Also, the culture that seemed to be prevalent in my family was one of unconditional respect for your elders.

Being raised in America, and being an adult, the cultural and generational differences are becoming more and more apparent. Many of my generation’s parents did not have the resources available today to assist with parenting. It was basically parenting by inheritance. Meaning our parents raised us how they thought was best based on how they were raised. Today, we have the internet, Dr. Spock, Oprah, and Supernanny to show us proven techniques to better discipline, raise, and educate our children. I would say that my generation is almost expected to raise perfect children while my parents were just expected to survive in America. Granted, one standard in Filipino, if not all Asian culture is education. In some cultures graduating High School is an achievement. In my culture, it’s a requirement. Nevertheless, what I’m trying to say is that at some point we are going to come to a cross-road with our parents. One where our cultures are going to clash and someone will have to concede that the other one is right. If our parents are right, then it’s easy. If we are right, God help us. All my life I’ve been taught to respect my elders. The favorite saying my Mom (love you Mom!!) and my Lola would say to me is “No how come, how come!” Now, let’s say our parenting skills bump heads. Yelling at your kids is no longer the best way to discipline them. Who’s going to step up when your parents are yelling at your kids because they are acting up? Remember, respect your elders. Ideally, it would be easy to say you can explain to your parents that we don’t yell at our kids. But if your parents are yelling, it’s obviously a tenuous situation. I’m not sure speaking calmly to an irate grandparent is the easiest thing to do. Obviously, you want to share what you’ve learned with your parents, but at the same time you don’t want to tell them that the way they raised you was not the best way (even though it wasn’t). Hell, they did their best with what was available to them. Are you now going to try and “teach an old dog new tricks?” Thankfully my friends are going through this now and I am able to think about how I would handle it when I cross that road. If I think one of the elders has a different opinion on how to raise my children from Anne and me then I will take the pre-emptive attack and let them know how we do it, and if they aren’t comfortable with our methods then if a situation occurs, they can let us know and we’ll handle it. Hopefully, they’ll respect our wishes. Most likely they won’t because they’re egos could be hurt. I guess nobody really wants someone else disciplining your children. I know I don’t have any kids yet. But damn it, when we do, I’m going to make sure I’m as prepared as possible.

Parent Lesson #1 - The Path to Success

I've always thought about what I would tell my children if they asked me what they need to do in order to be successful. I could tell them to work hard, make good decisions, save money, and all those commonsensical things. Or I could tell them to find out what their passion is and figure out what kinds of professions or careers deal with their passion. As the cliche goes, "If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life." What if they aren't passionate about anything like their old man? It's easy to think that everyone is passionate about something. Off the top of my head, the first two things I think of when I think of what I'm passionate about are basketball and golf. Now I know I'll never be a professional athlete, at least not at my age. But what if I realized my passions at a young age? I'm sure, no matter how young I started honing my basketball skills, I would have never made it to the NBA. I might have had a better chance at golf, but who am I kidding? Of course I will encourage my kids to pursue whatever interests them, but I would also force them to go to school, get a degree, maybe 2, maybe a graduate degree. But now, at my age, can I still pursue something professionally that will make me happy? I mean, never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought I would be doing what I'm doing, career-wise. I can see it now, I'm 10 years old and my Lola (grandmother) asks me what I want to do for a living. I jump up and down and tell her, "Lola, I want to be a.......(wait for it)....REVENUE ASSURANCE MANAGER!! I want to analyze financial data and reduce revenue leakage!! I want to write SQL and create macros in Excel!! Woo Hoo!!"

So, I've come to realize this, if my kids can't find something they are passionate about, then they should think about what kind of life or lifestyle they want to have. To me, having that lifestyle should make them feel successful. I would tell my children to first figure out what is important to them. Then I could tell them how to make decisions that cater to their priorities. I suppose it's all about how you define success. To me success is financial stability and independence. Success is finding someone to share your life with that wants everything you want. It's about being respected both professionally and personally. Success is having my parents proud of me. Everyone's definition of success is different. But once you've defined what it means to you, you can start making your life decisions to achieve it.

In many respects, I would consider myself somewhat successful. However, I would not tell my children to take my path. I would tell them there is a different path with more options for them. Success will be knowing that Anne and I will be able to provide that path for them.

Mid-life Awareness

I'm realizing more often that the division between people who are younger than me and those who are older than me is pretty much even. Of course, it depends on the situation, but for the most part the division is equal. The first time I really realized that I was older was when players getting drafted to the NBA were younger than me. The next time was when players making the NBA All-star team were younger than me. Now, 90% of the NBA is younger than me. Basically, I'm no longer in my physical prime. That is why I've learned to love golf. There are still a majority of PGA golfers who are older than me. Once that changes, I'll start watching the Senior Tour. Man, even watching poker tournaments makes me feel old. I guess even mental acuity is strongest in your 20's and early 30's. Maybe it's just me, but it makes me wonder how smart older people really are. I'm sure they are wise with experience, but do our decision making skills suffer with age? I know for me, my memory is definitely not what it used to be. If I don't write something down, I will surely forget it. I've resorted to emailing myself to remind me of my thoughts throughout the day. I'm always impressed by these kids who can remember everything. And when I say kids, I mean these 20-somethings. You can ask them to compare the iPhone vs EVO and they will break it down as if they built both devices. All I can tell you is that iPhone is Apple and EVO is Android aka Google. If you ask me why I prefer the iPhone, its because its easy to use, and that, my friends, is enough for me. It's the same reason we decided to get a Mac rather than another PC, easy of use. Shoot, I've rebooted my Mac probably 3 times this year. I've already rebooted my work laptop at least 3 times today. I guess that's another thing I'm aware of at my age. I'm no longer interested in how much more you can do with things, I'm more concerned with how easy it is to use.

Another thing I'm starting to realize is what I'm willing to pay for things. When I was younger, cost was everything. If I could save 30 cents driving 5 miles to get cheaper gas, I did. It didn't make sense, but at that time if I thought I was spending less, then I did it. Going to the market, I would by all generic items. The 99cent store was my favorite. Value meals at fast food joints were a staple in my diet. Now, I go to the nearest gas station. Unless the gas is ridiculously over-priced, I don't sweat it. I'm not married to any particular type of gas either. Going to the market is now an experience for me. I'm not going to the market that has the best deals, I'm looking for a calm atmosphere with quality goods. Eating out is now a quest for great service and culinary awakenings. All these things bring peace and serenity to my life. Perhaps I'm just preparing myself for the madness that will come with children.